Ace of Clubs

Falling Apart

"The divorce papers are here."

"Magmimeet ba tayo para mareview natin?" She replied, hands shaking in disbelief.

"No need. I assume you're busy. I can send it over para hindi hassle.I-review mo na lang 'yung copy mo tapos pirmahan mo kung okay na."

Risa pressed Leni's contact frantically and called her. She didn't know why she was panicking because they both anticipated this. They both knew that in four to six months, their divorce papers could arrive at any time and since they worked on it together, there wouldn't be any major changes in the papers.

So why did she feel like her world was falling apart?

"Hello?" Leni answered.

"Nandyan na ba talaga?"

"Oo. Bakit ka tumawag?"

"I..." She didn't know what to say. Bakit nga ba siya tumawag? "I just wanted to ask you."

I wanted to hear your voice. It's been a while since I heard your voice.

"Hindi ka na dapat nag-abala pa. Pwede ka namang mag-text na lang."

"Are the papers really there?"

"Yes, Risa." She could hear the slight tone of annoyance in Leni's voice and then a deep sigh. "Tumawag si Atty. sa akin kanina, na-finalize na niya 'yung details tapos pinadala na sa akin."

"Have you..." Risa felt the heaviness in her chest. "Have you signed it yet?"

"No."

She wanted to ask why. Did Leni not want this divorce? She thought that with the way she was acting towards the older woman, she would sign the papers in an instant. "Bakit hindi pa?"

"Hindi ko pa nababasa. I need to recheck the specifics of it pa para sigurado na walang maiiwang detalye. Kaya mahalaga na i-check mo rin para kung may ma-overlook man ako, ma-point out mo sa akin."

This wasn't how Leni spoke to her. No gentle words, teasing tones, and soothing affirmations. The Leni she was talking to now was cold and detached and she hated it. Even when they weren't married yet, this wasn't how Leni approached her.

"O-okay. Gusto mo bang pumunta ako sa condo so we can go over it?"

Silence met her so she covered up quickly, "Only if you want me to, Lens."

"Gaya ng sabi ko kanina, Risa, I assume you're busy. Ipapadala ko na lang sa office mo. I'll mark it with the OVP seal and confidential warning para hindi buksan ng kung sino-sino."

She hummed in reply, unable to speak because of the lump forming in her throat. Leni's voice came in a bit shakily, "Pero kung free ka, text ka lang para alam ko kung uuwi ako nang maaga."

"Thank you," Risa breathed out. "Text kita ha."

"Ikaw bahala."

"Good night, Lens."

"Bye."

Leni ended the call and before Risa knew it, tears were rolling down her cheeks and she couldn't stop them. She didn't know why she was crying because this was agreed upon so early in their marriage so it was bound to happen.

Hindi ba kaya ka umiiwas kasi nga maghihiwalay rin naman kayo? She reminded herself. Ayan na oh, malapit na. Bakit ka pa umiiyak eh umiwas ka naman na?

That night, Risa laid on her bed, clutching her chest and gasping for breath as she cried. Her heart ached for something that wasn't hers in the first place. Her heart ached for her regret and for her fear. Bakit ba takot na takot ka?