Mosaicked Feelings

XII: Forgot My Keys

Apparently, Edward had dropped me exactly at the location of my home because, in my sleepiness at the moment, I told him my address. And that, not before buying me a bunch of food to keep me alive. I mouthed him a small thank you, which felt meaningless compared to his efforts. Despite all of that, I was more grateful that he woke me up before my nightmarish dream could continue anymore. As I undid my seatbelt, I felt something clink against my chest, only to realise it was Edward's chain, which I assumed I must've worn without putting much thought. 

"I'll see you tomorrow?" He spoke more as a statement than a question, his eyes glimmering in the darkness. 

"I'll see," I nervously added, before closing the passenger door shut. 

I headed towards my flat building, whilst shuffling in my handbag for my keys. I reached the lift, waiting and looking around in the partially lit corridor, before rummaging in my bag again. I searched everywhere inside until I realised I had forgotten the keys at home. I mentally cussed at myself for letting my nerves take over my carefulness. I reached the flat doors, before knocking multiple times. I knew Mum must be asleep so there was no way I could get inside. The spare keys that we used to keep inside one of the plants beside our house had been long eaten by my cat who died shortly after. 

I banged at the wooden door once again in hopes of someone opening it up magically but to no avail. Leaning against the door, I just looked up at the brightly lit ceiling, feeling exhausted and worked up. 

I made my way out again in the cold night, silently praying for Edward to come by. And my luck couldn't have got any better when I caught a glimpse of his white car standing at the same spot, but Edward was out hidden by the open bonnet, doing something.

"Edward!" I called him out, breathlessly walking towards him, and he appeared into view as he closed the bonnet.

"What's wrong? I was about to leave-"

And that was the final straw. I broke down.

I hid my teary face under my palms, not wanting him to see me in such a pathetic state. Trying hard to muffle my uninvited sobs, I choked out a small apology shakily. I couldn't even bring myself to look up at his face, scared that it would be a look of pure judgement and hate. And with every passing moment, and with every tear, I hated myself more. And soon enough my cry turned into anger towards myself.  My mood just swung in a matter of minutes, like the shuffle of a random music playlist.

"I'm so sorry," I croaked, feeling so emotional all of a sudden without any reason. "I... I know I'm such a bad.." I sniffed, wiping harshly at my face. "I'm such a bad person for doing this to you,"

I saw Edward simply stare back at me with melancholic hurt eyes, but his expression remained blank otherwise. "You're not a bad person Michelle," he said. "Can you at least tell me what happened?"

"I forgot my keys at home!" I sniffed again, releasing a shaky sigh. He silently opened the car door again, gesturing me to do the same, and I shakily sat inside.

After a few moments of us seated in the car and blankly staring outside the car windshield, he spoke, "How does that make you a bad person?"

I heaved a sigh again. "You don't understand. I'm so careless and stupid, and I don't even remember doing things anymore and it's like I keep taking advantage of you when that is the last thing I want, and I don't know how in fate's stroke of luck, do you always happen to be there for me,"

He blinked several times, absorbing my words. "I think it's because you don't eat well,"

"No, it's all my fault," I looked away, trying to blink away my tears. I felt like cussing at myself for behaving this way in front of him, and him allowing me to do so. I laid back grumpily in my seat, trying to stifle a yawn and not pass out again. I had taken enough risks for the day.