One in a Million Scars (Love)

Chapter 12 (Pam)

.......When my husband ran into some legal problems, he decided that going back to Jamaica

for a few years would be safest for the kids and me. In his words

"Sugar, I'll be going away for a long time, and I don't want you here without me to protect you. I

don't trust anyone to protect my family, but myself. Please don't fight me on this. I know you

can help yourself, but please do so on your playground."

We spent all the free time he had with our family, putting plans in motion, straitening our

business organizations, and in the bliss of our undying love. That man is my world, and to wake

up every day without his arms around me pains my soul to the core. Knowing that he's away

and I can't visit hurts even more, yet here I am loving him and fighting for us even harder than

yesterday.

          Six (6) years ago I returned to the States after receiving a letter from my son, who would've

thought that my son was in Juvenile Detention, suffering like he don't have anyone in this world

to care for him. Before returning home to Jamaica, I sent for my mom even though she didn't

like a bone in me. I try to let the past be just that; the past, but I guess my mom's hate for me

overpowers the fact that I'm her child and all I ever wanted was a mother's love. The hatred she

had for me poured over to my kids. I left King in my mom's care because I thought we had

passed that stage. I left my mom in the house my husband and I bought, she won't worry about

bills because our lawyer took care of it, plus I send money every week. I talked with my mom

every day, and she seemed so loving and happy; mainly when she spoke of King. I should've

known something was up when she refused to put him on the phone for days. My son was in a

Juvenile Detention Facility for a week, before he contacted me. A piece of my heart breaks with

each line I read in the letter. I love my husband and promised to stay in Jamaica until his

release, but I was a mother first, and my kids come first. Two weeks later after making some

calls, I was at the Facility receiving my son and his friend that became my bonus son.

"Mommy weh yah do?" (Mommy what are you doing?), King's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Why are you crying?" King asked.

Hurriedly, I wipe my face, smile, and hug him tight. I was unaware of the tears rolling down my

cheeks.

"What are you doing over here, and where is Lani Baby? Kara said you were picking her up from

school."

He examined me keenly with squinted eyes before pulling me in for another hug.

"Ma, he's good. I talked to Mr. B and he said hello."

I never talked about my husband in the house for various reasons. First, my son kisses my

forehead, then proceed to raid the fridge.

"Where's my grandbaby and wash your damn hands, before touching my pot King" I yelled

while slapping him on the hand. As I look at my baby boy, I can't help but smile, I provided the

best life I knew then, not always pretty but I made it happen. I might've exposed him to a life he

had no business in, but he turned his life around.

"Ma why you looking at me like that? I'm your son, you can't have me and Lani is with her mom."

"Boy if yuh nuh shut yuh mouth" (Boy, if you don't shut your mouth). I hit him upside the head.

"I'm just proud of you, you came home, turned your life around and I love that King," I told him.

"I had to ma'am, while I was away, I kept thinking about Grandma and how I lived while you

were away. The sacrifices you made and the man I want to be." King explained before taking a

seat at the dining table.