Double-Edged Words

CHAPTER TWENTY

"Yes, well, I'll leave you ladies to it." Bowing his head one more time, he set off to his office.

Out in the garden, Ms. Rose and I painted some landscapes under the willow tree.

"I have to get this out of my chest, or I may burst." Ms. Rose blurted and quickly added, "I had never seen the duke from up-close before. He's so handsome. You're so lucky." Her words brought the sound of laughter to our little corner of the garden.

With an ear-to-ear smile across my face, I indulged in a good-natured gloat, "Yes, I am." My smile receded with the memory of his pained face, and I added in a low voice, "I'm so worried about him."

"Oh?" Ms. Rose's expression changed into one of concern. "What happened?"

"We talked about something last night that upset him, and I don't know what to say to help him feel better."

"Was it a disagreement?"

"No, no. We spoke about something that was very..." My words trailed off as I searched for the right word to describe it. Upsetting? Sad? Traumatic? "Emotional, let's put it that way."

"Oh." Understanding flashed in her eyes. "Well, you know sometimes it's very hard for men to express their feelings due to the way they were raised. Maybe he wishes for comfort but feels like, as a man, he shouldn't ask for it and should deal with it on his own. Or maybe he felt like he got too emotional in front of you. And now he's embarrassed and feels like a lesser man because of that."

Her last suggestion triggered the memory of him moving away from my comforting touch. "Yeah, maybe that was it."

"Then you should assure him that you don't think any less of him for showing you how he feels. That it's alright to speak about feelings and that you will always be there for him."

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks."

"Don't mention it. If you have any more man issues, you can come to me. I have ten brothers, so I'm basically an expert."

⚜⚜⚜

The bright oranges, yellows, and pinks of the sunset reflected on the pond at our feet. Absentminded fingers pulled at the blades of grass peeking from under the cotton blanket while my eyes repeatedly glanced at Zander, whose body lay beside me, but his mind seemed to be anywhere but this little patch of paradise.

Leaning backward to lay on my back, I asked, "Beautiful, isn't it?" My ears barely picked up his affirmative hum over the sounds of nature's nightlife rousing from slumber.

With eyes that flitted around the garden, I gathered the words that would best convey my thoughts. "You know, since I was little, I always looked forward to the rise and set of the sun. I liked to look at the colors the sun painted in the sky until the darkness of the night would wipe the canvas clean. It made me happy. And it was one of the few joyful, constant things in my life, if not the only one. So, every night, I would go to bed with complete faith that the next day the sun would rise without fail to paint me a picture that would bring me some relief in my miserable life." My head turned to look at his expressionless mask, "I wish to be that way for you. I want to be that way for you. Just like the sun, I'm always going to be here for you. No matter what. Even if I'm not physically there with you at the moment, you can have faith I'll always be there for you to give you comfort and relief, and nothing will change that." The profile of his face didn't move an inch, and thirty heartbeats later, I added, "That was very corny, wasn't it?"

His face broke into a smile, and a breathy chuckle went through his lips. "Y-Yeah. A little." He turned his face towards me with eyes that bore into mine. "Thank you."