Secret smile

50

"Thanks, Der."

"Just taking care of you," Derek grinned.

"I know," Meredith murmured, curling underneath the blankets, her eyes on Derek's bedside table. Something was different about it. She couldn't figure out what but something was missing, really...Sarah's teddy bear. Sarah's teddy bear wasn't on Derek's bedside table. She sat up quickly and looked around, trying to see if she could find it somewhere. But it wasn't anywhere, she didn't see it.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked, carrying a plate over to the bed.

"I...nothing," she shook her head. "Nothing."

"Okay," he nodded, handing her the plate and slipping back into the bed. "Eat."

"None for you?"

"We're sharing."

"Oh," she giggled breathlessly, cutting into the French toast and spearing it with her fork, holding up a bite for him.

"Thank you," he murmured, opening his mouth up wide.

"You're welcome," she smiled, feeding him the bite and then taking a bite herself.

"Good?"

"Amazing."

"Good," he smiled, ducking his head down to kiss her gently. "Talk."

"Talk?" she sighed around her French toast.

"Don't play clueless."

"I have to talk about it?" she frowned, dragging the fork through the syrup.

"To me, yeah," he nodded, settling an arm around her.

"I..." she took a deep breath as her eyes wandered around the room again. The teddy bear had to be here somewhere. It had to be.

"Talk."
"About what?"

"Meredith."

"It was just...it's the disease, Derek. That's it. It's the disease."

"I know."

"So things...things are going to keep getting worse."

"How bad?"

"Derek..."

"Mer..." he breathed, kissing her again. "It's me."

"I...she doesn't use the bathroom anymore. She..." Meredith took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "And she hit one of the nurses."

"Oh god," Derek murmured, squeezing her tightly.

"She's never done that but they're saying...they're saying they're ready to upgrade her to the last stage which means...it means things."

"What does it mean?"

"That she'll probably..." she sucked in her breath, shaking her head. "No. No."

"Mer..."

"Derek, she's probably going to die soon," she choked out.

"Oh Mer," he breathed, pulling her into his bare chest. "I'm here."

"I'm fine," she whispered against his chest, his chest hair tickling her face as she ran her hands up and down his back.

"That's bullshit."

"I know."

"Your mom's dying," he whispered.

"She's had...she's had the disease for a long time," she breathed. "I know...can we not talk about this? Not tonight?"

"Okay," he murmured. "If you...I'm here for you."

"I'll probably be an orphan soon," she sighed softly, burying her face in his chest.