Secret smile

18

Meredith sighed and stared at the food in front of her. She had to eat. Eating was important and she had to eat and just because she hadn't talked to Derek in a few weeks, well it didn't mean she should stop eating. She barely even knew Derek. It shouldn't destroy her appetite and she was probably just tired or something. Which meant she should eat because that was good for energy. She kept looking around the cafeteria, waiting for him to pop up. She didn't really want him to pop up, but this was her life and that's how it went. He popped up all the time, and now that she was on his home turf or whatever...he was probably going to pop up. Only he definitely wasn't stalking her anymore. That was the last thing he was doing. He didn't even want to be around her anymore.

She had seen him. She had seen him since the sex or whatever it was they were going to call it and he ran away. He had actually ran away which was probably good because she didn't know what to say to him and it was bad. But his eyes got really wide and he actually left which was...she wasn't sure what that was but she kind of wished he wouldn't run because if he could, they could talk. They could say things and talk about things and it wouldn't be hard. She had no idea what to say to him, or how to say it. She missed him. In some weird, strange way, she missed the guy who used to stalk her. She missed the way he used to smile at her, used to grab her arm. She really did miss him and instead of seeing him, she was sitting here, hoping and praying she wouldn't see him at all. Because right now, seeing him just made her head feel all full and it would kind of spin and it was bad. Because she wanted to say something. She really wanted to. She wasn't exactly sure what to say but she figured she should say something. She couldn't be with him, there was too much baggage and it was a mess, but he was hurting and she should at least say something.

Hi would probably be a good place to start. But she wasn't sure how to say that without wanting to cry. He had turned into all the other guys...the guys who walked away. Or maybe she was just that girl that made guys walk away and leave. She wasn't sure and she had mentioned it to Dr. Wyatt who had really wanted to talk about it. But there wasn't a point. Derek had left, that was it.

And she got that Derek had had...circumstances. She got that. Unlike the other guys, he actually had a reason to leave but still he had left and every reason in the world couldn't make that better. She had wanted him to stay. She had desperately wanted to just sleep in his really warm and safe arms and he had left and now she just missed him. She missed him a lot. It was stupid to miss someone she barely knew, to miss someone who she tended to just bump into. But she missed bumping into him, and now all she wanted was to see him. Just see him walking through the cafeteria in his dark blue scrubs. Instead, she was sitting with her friends, listening as they talked about surgery and trying desperately to just go ahead and eat instead of moping or whatever.

"My patient needs a neuro consult," Izzie groaned. "Why do my patients always need neuro consults?"

"At least you didn't have to actually scrub in with him," Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Did he even acknowledge your existence?" Izzie asked.

"Besides telling me to get the hell out of his way if I couldn't tell the difference between a frontal lobe and the temporal lobe? No."

"Ass. Complete ass."

"He's a complete bastard."

"I want to know his story," Izzie frowned. "He has to have one hell of a story. His dad probably didn't love him."

"Or he's just a sick bastard who gets his kicks out of making people feel like shit," Alex provided.

"One of the nurses heard he killed a patient and had a breakdown," George suggested.

"Oh, it has to be more than that," Izzie rolled her eyes. "Come on...you don't turn into an ass because of a breakdown."

"He was probably always an ass," Alex groaned.