Between the Stacks

Chapter 22

"They would only be half as hard if you did your homework," Wesley said. "Or maybe only a quarter as hard."

The joke went over the girl's head. "Maybe another dog will eat it."

As Wesley explained that dogs like food, not paper, I took a moment to plan my strategy. Seven dogs were scattered in the nearby area, each with a small group of people. I didn't see Nugget, unfortunately. No matter - the other dogs were just as cute. A group of volunteers stood by a table with brochures and juice boxes.

The dog closest to me, an oh-my-God-you're-so-cute-I-can't-breathe Corgi, seemed like a good place to start. My treats would bring the Corgi over to me, I would introduce myself to the kids and the adults who would follow, and I would talk about the Northern Ridge summer reading program. It would be grassroots marketing, nothing big, but it was something.

I took a look at my targets: an older, freckled woman; two young twins in matching baseball jerseys; and two adults who carted around a stroller. I imagined them walking into Northern Ridge, smiling as they joined the summer reading program. They would discover their new favorite book - their lives would change - an eternity of happiness would be theirs-

Something hard launched into my back, throwing me to the ground.

I landed on my knees. My first thought was embarrassment, followed quickly by concern, as a few more heavy objects collided with me.

No, not objects - dogs.

If I had to imagine a good way to die, it would be like this: suffocated under a writhing mass of fur and wet noses. Something small but fluffy fell onto my chest, and suddenly I was completely splayed out on the ground. My vision was limited to the fuzzy heads of the various dogs that were pushing their faces into my pockets, my purse, and my hands.

The treats! No wonder I was being accosted. I pulled out as many biscuits as I could from my pockets and threw them a few feet away. I could finally breathe when a Shih Tzu launched off my chest. A leash trailed behind him.

"I'm so sorry!" A sweaty and panicked teenager ran up to me; she was wearing a bright pink t-shirt. "They just all got away from me!"

She turned away from me to chase after the dogs. Thankfully they hadn't gotten far, and were happily munching on the miniature steaks I had purchased just minutes ago. The teenager picked up each of the leashes, shaking with relief.

"It's only my first day," she said, gesturing to the t-shirt. It read Fido's Dog Walking Service. "I thought they might make friends with the therapy dogs."

"Oh," I said, still feeling a little dazed. I was sitting on the grass, my legs outstretched. "No worries," I added, even though I was experiencing Quite a Few Worries at that very moment.

A few concerned volunteers came over to see how I was doing. I waved them off, claiming I was fine - just embarrassed.

And then Wesley came over, and I wanted to melt into the ground.

"I have to admit, I'm a bit confused." He sat beside me on the grass and brushed some dirt off my jeans. "What was that all about?"

"It's nothing," I grumbled. "Just some over-enthusiastic dogs."

"Interesting. Very interesting," he said. I hated the way the sun caught his hair. I hated the way he looked at me. I hated how he leaned back on his arms. "Because from my perspective, it looks like you stuffed dog snacks into your clothes, and that it backfired."

"I have no idea where you got that impression," I said. "Animals naturally love me."

"You realize how well-trained the therapy dogs are, right?" He pointed at the small groups. Each dog wore a harness saying Pet Me. Their tongues lolled out as enthusiastic volunteers cuddled with them. "Compared to that."

He gestured to the other dogs, the ones that had escaped from the teenager. A huskie was happily puking from eating so many steaks, and the others continued to fight for the leftovers. The dog walker was still picking up their leashes.

"I admit, she shouldn't have brought four dogs with her," Wesley said under his breath. "Seems like a recipe for chaos."

"No kidding," I said.

For one brief moment - just long enough for a bird to pirouette overhead, just long enough for the sunset to glint off the windshield of a car in the parking lot - everything was fine. It was nice just sitting on the grass with Wesley, despite the circumstances.

And then I remembered Jack, and the kiss, and Alex, and all the complicated emotions I had tried to shove away.

I bristled, and Wesley sensed the change in temperature. "By the way-" he started.

"I need to go," I said, standing quickly. I dug into my purse, still covered in dog slobber, and handed out the summer reading cards to Wesley. "You don't need to do this, but if anyone is interested, you can give them one of these cards."

"Sure," he said, which I hadn't expected in the slightest. Could I have just given him the cards right away? Had my whole awful plan been such a terrible idea from the start?

Well, yes.

"Look," he continued, "About Toronto-"

"I need to go," I said abruptly. The volunteers were starting to wrap things up, and the dog walker had disappeared with her (very happy and very full) dogs. I didn't want to be left alone with Wesley.

Wesley stood up beside me. He shuffled the cards I had given him. "Could we talk later?"

"Sure," I said breezily, throwing my purse over my shoulder. Nothing had gone correctly that evening, and I wanted to bail. "Maybe a bit later? I should head out."

He nodded once, then twice, as if convincing himself of something. "I'll see you later, then."

More than ever, I was aware of my own hypocrisy. Sometimes I craved Wesley's attention, and sometimes I wanted to be on the opposite continent. I didn't know what I felt – and more importantly, I didn't know what I wanted to feel.

And as I waved goodbye, anybody watching would have thought we were polite acquaintances. They wouldn't know about dancing in a bar or a heated kiss in a hallway. They wouldn't know about the conversation where I told the truth of Alex's story, or about how Wesley could destroy anyone at board games.

They would know the truth: that there wasn't anything between us.