The Wings

Chapter 35

I was beginning to hint at what he was getting at but I let him continue. "Dhruv, I just  want to know if we are not forcing our decision on her."

Before I could make any reply, he stopped me. "I know what you are going to say. But beta, for our sakes, for Ashu's sake, will you please just talk to her ?"

It was no easy task that was just laid upon me but neither could I deny Uncle's heartfelt request when he wanted me the most. 

"Don't worry uncle. I will talk to her," I declared finally.

However, saying it was easier than actually doing it.

With her mother completely bedridden, Ashmita had dedicated herself in looking after her. She spent almost all her time in her mother's room and therefore it was getting quite difficult to catch her alone. On the other hand, Aabir uncle's regular inquiries  incessantly reminded of the dire urgentness of reality.

But, one Friday night I finally got the chance I was looking for. 

It was nearly two in the morning when I was woken up from a restless sleep. The images of the dream began fading from my memories the moment I opened my eyes to the darkness of the present. Realizing how thirsty I was, I got up from my bed and quietly left my room. As I approached the kitchen, I was slightly surprised at the light streaming out of Ashmita's room, which generally remained shut as she was currently accustomed to sleep in aunty's room. 

I approached the room and quietly called out her name while pushing open the door. To my surprise, it was empty. Her purse was on the bed, its contents spilled out. I looked at the windows and found them closed. 

Had she come in here and left without turning off the lights? I wondered. But that was highly unlikely. And even if she had, why was the door unlocked? 

I walked out of the room, turning the lights out and closing the door before proceeding to the kitchen. As I was gulping down the contents of a cold water bottle from the fridge, an idea struck me. Exiting the kitchen, I made my way through the hall and to the main door. If the door was unlocked, I would be sure of my suspicion. With a slight twist on the handle the door opened up and I was proven correct. I quietly walked out softly closing the creaking front door behind me, then finding some slippers from the shoe rack outside, made my way up the stairs to the roof. 

I found her as expected. She stood at the far end, her back towards the entrance, looking out at the dark night. 

"Ashu? What are you doing here so late at night? I saw the light in your room-" I called out from behind her.

She turned so suddenly that I was taken aback for a while. I thought there was something different about her the moment I saw her face. She was scared. Her face had suddenly gone a shade paler as she jerked herself up to stand straight. "Dhruv Da! N-Nothing-I-was-nothing-" her words fumbled in her reply. 

I walked up to her and noticed what I hadn't before. I looked around on the edge of the parapet and found what I was looking for.

"Since when did you start smoking," I asked her finally, sounding more stern than I had intended.

She was at a complete loss of words, being caught red handed. "Smoke-I-" she began to form up a reply, but I stopped her. 

"The cigarette you threw is still on the window sill where it landed just below the spot where you are standing."

She went quiet after that. I didn't press on. We both stood there in silence. She probably contemplating her actions and  myself trying to decide how to progress further. 

"Dhruv da, I'm sorry," she finally said. "Please don't let baba know about this."

"He won't," I replied after a while.

"You won't tell?" The utter surprise in her voice was clearly discernible. 

I shook my head in reply. "When did you start?" 

"College. But that was just for a while. I had stopped before I even came back home. But then-"

"It isn't good you know."

"I know Dhruv da. I didn't want to. Not at the beginning. But then last day when I had gone to get Ma's reports, I stopped at the tea stall outside the hospital. I could not subside the urge and ended up smoking. I had even bought a whole packet before  I could even realize what I was doing. I don't know, but-"

"I wasn't talking about smoking Ashu."

She looked at me questioningly.

"Escaping into addiction, it isn't good. It is not healthy."

"I -" she began but then stopped to ponder over what I had said.

"I know what you are going through. At the very least, I can have a very sentient guess. This hard time that we are facing, it is tough for all of us. More so for you than any of us. I know. You don't have to explain yourself to me. I know. And I understand. But I also know the real you. This momentary relapse is nothing compared to what you are actually capable of. I think you know this too, somewhere, deep down. Cigarettes, drinks, these are all just a means of escape. And I know you are not an escapist. You are head strong. Like your mother. And I know whatever you do, and however you do it, it would have been well thought off. And always for the better. I have that much trust in you."

I paused for a while noticing she was solemnly silent.

"But often times, these momentary breaks are necessary."

She looked up. I continued.

"Oh yes, they are. It is what makes us human isn't it? Just be careful not to loose yourself in these breaks."

She kept silent, all the while her eyes fixed at me. 

"I know what Baba asked you the other day," she said after some time.

It was my turn to be surprised. "And? What do you have to say about it?" I asked.

Then she told me what was on her mind. 

We talked throughout the night until the first light of dawn was hinting its way around the horizon. We have had conversations before, serious ones, but none like the one we shared that night. To have listened to her, to have realized how much she had grown throughout the years, instilled within me a feeling I could not even begin to decipher let alone describe. Her words, I knew, would stay with me till the end of my  days. 

As we came down from the roof, and went back to our respective rooms, I lay in my bed thinking about something she had just said and how it resonated with all our lives. 

"We do things for people we love. Don't we? We do then not because we are required to. But because we are compelled to. Our actions are justified only through the measure of our love. No matter the consequences. No matter the personal cost. But this isn't sacrifice. There isn't any resentment in the choice. For we do it for love. And love alone."