Break My Heart Slow

Chapter 9 | When Things Got Rocky

But still, the hurting-El-part happened, just now. Brandon didn't even give a tad effort for Eleanor. He was too much occupied by Lily's condition, not caring about El's arrival. She was waiting for him in the airport – a thing, a boyfriend shouldn't ever forget. He must be missing her, he must be excited to finally see her again. But what he did was to ask me to go fetch his girlfriend because he doesn't feel like going anywhere far from his best friend. Good boyfriend, isn't?

Damn! I think I can curse him in all languages possible for hurting El.

"Why didn't you tell me about her illness El" I asked her in my most calm voice, but I'm sure she heard more than being calm – there was anxiety, a totally different emotion from what I planned to show. I took a sip of my macchiato, waiting for her answer, heart banging on my chest. My heart seemed to overpower the sounds of chattering inside the café – I don't even know why it's like this. Am I nervous? Or it's just that I've never been in as awkward situation as this with her before. With awkward, I meant serious. Whenever I'm with El, I always try to lighten up the mood. We were always laughing like children, innocent from the problems of the world, but I guess now is not the right time to laugh.

"I –" she sighed, looking uncertain, fidgeting her fingers at the hem of her varsity jacket's sleeve. "- I don't want to, Luke" she said, almost inaudible.

I creased my brows at her unclear answer. What does she mean she doesn't want to?

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want to tell you, because I don't want you to pity her. I thought that maybe, if I was the only one you know was hurting, you'll do anything for me. And that's what you did, Luke. I thank you for that" her eyelids fluttered, she looked at me sadly, full of hurt. "But I guess, this is enough. Having you here in front of me, instead of him, was enough to make me see that Lily's more important for him... than me" she whispered the last words.

I don't understand what I'm feeling right now, it's a clash of different emotions. Of pity, and fury, and helplessness and heartbreak and... and... I just wanted to hug her. I wanted to tell her, in that very moment, that she doesn't need to feel this way, she doesn't need to be treated this way. The urge of telling her what I feel for her was so strong yet so out of place. I wish I could make her realize that there's someone else who could love her the way she deserve to be but it breaks me to see that she, obviously, won't listen to me. All she wanted now was Brandon, his attention, his love. Confessing my forever hidden love for her was not the best thing to do right now but I feel like doing it so she would know that...

My words came rushing like a wind. "You're right, you need to realize that you're not the most important person for him... but -- " I hurt her. It came to her like sharp knives stabbing her already painful heart.

She stood there in front of me whilst on the verge of crying. She said NO - a single word that was covered with too many sad things. Then she run away just before I was about to finish my sentence. Just before I was able to say what I have to say – My point. "But to me, you are."

You are the most important person to me El. Please, realize that.

~

ELEANOR'S POV

The person you are trying to call is not available right now. Please leave a message after the beat... *toooot. Tooooot*

[Hey Babe! It's me, El. Of course. Well, I'm wondering if you could meet me up tomorrow in our favorite restaurant down town? I reserved a dinner for us. You know...To...catch things up? I'll be waiting. By the way, thanks for sending Luke to fetch me.........I.....*sigh*...love you] I pressed end, mentally slapping myself for leaving that awful sounding message. Was it even appropriate for me to leave a message, or better yet invite him for a dinner? Well of course you can do that Eleanor, you're his girlfriend. A voice at the back of my head told me.