Photographs, Notes, and the Playlist (One-Shot Compilations) [feat. LNRS]

The Last Letter (A Diary Entry)

Listen to Dandelions by Ruth B.
from the Safe Haven album.
•••

My dearest Leonor,

Being friends for more than ten years, and loving the other person for most of it — not the easiest task in the world.

However, when you're around I foolishly smile and wait for my turn to perhaps hug you for a quick sec or simply just interact with you. I am happier when you are around. Your mere presence makes happy — possible.

Today marks the 10th year that I have admitted to myself that I actually feel something for you. A decade of pinning. A decade of loving you more than the limits set by society (or so they thought).

I do wonder at times what could have been if I'd told you how I felt for you. Perhaps, we'd be happily married or even just living together — it wouldn't have matters basta we're together. I have always dreamt of perhaps spending quality time with you alone then letting you know what I truly feel, but we were not given the chance to make that happen. Firstly, we're both busy. Seconded by the fact that I am scared of what reaction you'd give away. And lastly, I value our friendship too much that I couldn't just risk it for something that's uncertain. You are my person eh. My best girl. Why in the world would I risk all that for something more but potentially something that may make or break us apart? The thought of losing you? It's something I can't bear.

They say that there's this love that comes only once in a lifetime, and maybe for us it's Jesse and Frank. Though, I've realized lately — maybe I was given a second chance with you because I lost Frank abruptly, as you lost your beau that way too. But iyon nga, I am too torpe and too scared of what you might think of me.

Leonor, you are my calm. My home. It's always your eyes and smile that I miss. It lingers in my memory. And what lingers most is that one kiss we accidentally shared. Details I do not need to write as it was already written on a previous entry about a good two or three years ago. I've never felt so alive and in love after Frank until you. Yes, my children do bring me joy too, but that's different. You are different. It has always been different with you.

When you look at me, when you talk to me or about me — I melt into a puddle of goo. I may keep a light and bubbly demeanour but deep inside I have twirling ballerinas and a damn circus. 10 years, palangga. I've loved you this way for 10 years. And today's also the day you chose to be with someone else for the rest of your life, one who was brave enough to let you know how they felt for you. How lucky of HER to be loved by you and your children. Had I known or had I been brave enough myself. Could that have been me in her shoes right now? Or maybe naman we really just weren't meant to be? Ah! Questions after questions!

This diary I have kept with me since I do not know when and this is the last page. Maybe also the last time I am to write to you. You have found your person. Your own home. And I am happy for you. Well, I was happy enough to accept your offer to be your maid of honour, wasn't I?

Congratulations to you and Grace on your wedding day! Look at you beaming with so much pride and joy! Sana in our next life time, mas malakas na ang loob ko para tayo naman.

Mahal na mahal kita, ga. I will always be here for you no matter what. I'll still always be your number one cheerleader and fan.

Nagmamahal,
Theresia