Mein Sonnenschein.

Chapter 13 | The meeting.

"Me and Paul-" I started again but Paul cut me off before I could finish. He sat up in his chair, almost as if he was trying to seem more confident before he began, "I know we told Till yesterday we didn't know what was going on, but we do, we're just not accepting it yet... Well, I am now because today is making me understand how I truly feel." I guess Paul will be the one to tell everyone. I don't mind, I just wasn't expecting this. I sat back and listened as the whole scene unfolded before me. "Me and Richard, we are dating. We've been exploring a feeling between us for a month now, over this last leg of tour. But it's been a hard month and I think the reason we've never really accepted our relationship is real, is because we knew. We knew that at some point we'd have to tell you guys, tell you guys we've basically put Rammstein in danger because of our own emotions. Our own love interest. Till asked you all here because he found out yesterday and he thought we should tell you. So we're telling you now. Well, I am. For both of us." The room was silent now. I simply looked at the table in front of me, to scared to look around. I can just imagine the guys faces. Paul sat back in his chair with a small thud, as if he'd just got the weight of the world off his chest and as if he'd just been weighed down by a boulder on his shoulders. It feels so good to tell the guys but so hard because we have no clue how they'll react. I didn't care right now, I just wanted to make him feel better so I took his hand under the table and held it, giving it a light squeeze in hopes he'd understand I was proud of him. He did so well in explaining the whole situation. "I thought you said you'd leave it alone Richard." Flake was the first to say anything sounding slightly frustrated, and of course it was directed to me. I finally looked up, and all the guys were intently looking at me again. Fuck. For once I really don't want any attention on me. "Oh, well, yeah I was. It was actually Paul who made a first move, not me. And when he did I couldn't really.. resist? I guess." I rubbed the back of my neck, nervous and uncomfortable about the whole situation. "Wait, Flake you knew?" Christoph asked, directing everyones attention away from me. Flake shook his head no then shrugged, "I didn't. I knew Richard had some feelings for Paul a few months ago, maybe 2 now. But I never knew that they'd actually become a thing. I recommended to Richard that he leaves it but they obviously didn't"
"Right, then Till knew yesterday because he saw or something?" Christoph asked again looking towards Till for explanation. "I went to visit Richard and found Paul there already. But he was hiding from me so I figured something was wrong. Didn't thinking it'd be anything like this though." Christoph just nodded, showing he'd understood.

It was silent again. The guys were obviously trying to work over all the new information they'd just been told. "So, yous are like boyfriends?" Christoph asked quietly and almost cautiously. Me and Paul exchanged a small look, "Well, we haven't actually made it... an official thing yet." I said, putting a question on the word official not sure how to say what I meant, "I guess we've never given it a name. Only until today has one of us even said we're dating." I stopped and gave Paul a small smile which he gave back to me, still holding my hand under the table. "But I guess, if you class everything we've done so far, then yes. We're boyfriends." Quiet again and then Flake asked the question I'd hoped to never hear, "But what happens if you two have a bad argument, maybe even break up? What happens to Rammstein then?" All the guys looked from Flake, listening to him then towards us, obviously waiting for our answer. What would happen? It'd be awkward, for me and Paul, but for the guys as well. But we'd get over it. "I think it'll be difficult for a while maybe. Maybe we'd even have to take a small break. But eventually, we'd get over it. For Rammsteins sake. For the fans. For you guys." I said looking towards Paul as he started to pitch in with his idea, "Yea, it'll be super awkward but it'll be fine after a while. I mean, we all get over fights with each other easy enough, so we can do the same if this end. But honestly guys I don't think you have to worry about that. Not for a very long time at least." This warmed my heart and I felt myself smiling to myself, knowing Paul felt that this relationship would last a while. Another long period of silence. That's all this meeting has been, awkward conversations and then long silences as the guys process this all. "Well, I think you guys should be a couple. It's what makes you two happy." Till. Out of all the guys I didn't expect Till to say this. He seemed, annoyed? Or maybe just frustrated at our carelessness the other day. Now he seems supportive. "Same, you guys make a cute, good couple." Schneider said smiling brightly at us which Paul and I reciprocated. "I agree with Till and Schneider, but if this goes wrong you guys have to take full responsibility for it and what it could do to Rammstein." Oliver said with a sense of seriousness to his voice over his usual calm tone. "Of course, we will." Paul answered before turning his attention to Flake. "So, what do you say Flake?" More silence as all of us watched Flake. He seemed to be thinking, staring at the table, obviously milling over the answer in his head. "Fine. But if this ends bad, you two are to blame. Fully to blame. Like Oliver said, you take full responsibility for the issues this will create. And next time, if something else happens between you two, you tell us. Rather than have one of us find out and have a full damn meeting in our time off. Agreed?" Both me and Paul nodded our heads in unison, almost like children being warned not to do something stupid. Flake was being very serious at the moment, understandably but it was strange to see from him. "When and how are you telling fans?" Flake asked. He has really been asking all the tough questions today. "Oh well. Erum? We haven't really thought of that yet. We weren't even sure how we'd tell you guys. It's only because of yesterday with Till that you all even know now." I said which was true. I really hadn't thought of telling anyone. How do I tell my kids? My family in general. Fans were kind of on a need to know basis, we could tell them anytime we were comfortable. But with close friends and family, how would we do this? How would they react to finding out my next relationship was a gay one. There would be so many questions. "In all honesty, I don't think we've thought over that sort of thing yet. We've just been... preoccupied with each other. Working this out before we tell anyone. Now though, I think it's fair to say everything with us is worked out right here today." Paul said while chuckling. He squeezed my hand under the table and ran his thumb over my knuckle comfortingly, as if he guessed I was starting to over think everything. "Well, you two should really start thinking about that sort of thing. Because at some point it'll come to it, either that or the fans will find out in some way and it'll be another case like this." Flake said stretching in his seat slightly before carrying on, "Now, are we done here or do we have anything else to discuss?" Till shook his head, "No. Nothing else. Just remember we're being picked up for continuing the tour this Sunday to play our first show back on Tuesday. Be ready by noon on Sunday. The bus is picking us all up at the usual spot."

We all nodded or made some movement to show we understood before we all stood from the table. Me and Paul didn't disconnect hands for a moment until I noticed Oliver looking at us. Out of habit I moved my hand from Pauls, it's going to take a while to get used to this.

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AN i'm honestly enjoying writing this so much right now i don't even know why, but i have a bunch of chapters already written that's how much i've liked writing this this past week haha

hope yous are doing good, and are having good days, also hope you've been enjoying reading this like i have writing it lol well good bye :]