Secret smile

7

"I know he is, Bri," Sophie murmured, letting herself curl into her husband's arms, thankful that Mark had disappeared to make a quick phone call. "He's just...knowing all of that doesn't make it easier."

"I know," he sighed.

"I just want Der to be better."

"And he's getting there," Brian said firmly. "He had two servings of pork chops. Last time we saw him...he wasn't eating."

"I know. That's...that's good."

"And he's laughing with Cam. Remember the last time we saw him?"

"I know. He never thought he'd laugh again."

"So he's getting better."

"He is."

"Sorry about that," Mark sighed as he walked back in, clipping his cell phone back to his belt.

"It's okay," Brian nodded.

"Interrupting something I don't want to see?" Mark winced.

"No, Markie," Sophie shook her head, moving off of Brian's lap. "Just talking."

"Bout Shep?"

"Yeah," Sophie nodded, resettling beside Brian.

"It's not as bad as it looks."

"I know."

"He's doing...." Mark shook his head as the sounds of Derek growling floated into the dining room.

"He's doing really good right now," Brian laughed.

"Yeah, better than I've seen him in the last month."

"It's been hard?" Sophie asked quietly.

"Hard?" Mark laughed harshly. "Neither of us are getting sleep."

"Oh Markie..."

"He's having nightmares," Mark sighed. "Wakes up in the middle of the night screaming."

"Fuck," Brian breathed.

"Panic attacks..." Mark shook his head. "He gets those a lot."

"That's...that's not Derek," Sophie shook her head.

"That's the new Derek," Mark shrugged.

"I want old Derek back."

"Sophie," Brian sighed.

"Brian, I want my brother to be happy. He was happy."

"And then his wife and daughter died," Brian shook his head. "I don't know if there's happiness after that."

"There has to be."

"You're telling me you'd be happy if me and the kids died tomorrow in a car wreck?"

"No, of course not, I'd be devastated, Bri. I'm not saying he shouldn't be sad, I'd never say that. But I don't have to like this."

"None of us like it," Mark shook his head. "But it's...that's my brother."

"I know."

"I've been trying to talk to him into taking the damn drugs..."

"What? He can't do that!" Sophie shook her head quickly.

"Soph, he might have to."

"And I accept that but not yet."

"So you can watch him have panic attacks every time he sees a damn kid at the hospital whose hurt?"

"No," Sophie shook her head. "But he's...he can't do that. He can't turn to drugs. If he does, how will he ever get better?"

"Soph, the drugs help people get better," Brian sighed.