why do drugs when you can be reborn as a god

a complete fluff fic? In this economy?

THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER IS TRIGGERING DON'T READ IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH SELF LOATHING, HINTED SUICIDE IDEATION AT THE END(? IDK IT'S MORE LIKE A THINKING ABT IN GAME DEATH MECHANICS BUT IT INVOLVES KILLING THEMSELF SOO-), PROBABLY POORLY DEPICTED PANIC/ANXIETY ATTACKS, SELF BLAME FOR SOMEONE'S DEATH AND PROBABLY MORE

Oh god damn it am I really gonna have to do some sort of school shit.

I walk to the pillow to sit down. After all that bs I'm pretty damn tired so I head to sleep with rain following me. I vaguely notice someone pull a blanket over us as I fall asleep. When I "wake up", wake up in obvious air quotes because this is definitely a dream. After all there's no way I could wake up back in the abyss with goateye.

nonononono I can't do this again I can't. This has to be some sort of cruel ass trick, it HAS to. Paying no mind to the very concerned goateye I left behind I sprint away, too freaked out to bother checking where I'm going until I hit the void lake area.

Stopping once I hit the edge of the metal platform I noticed that in this fucked up dream light house tower thing had already been powered on so I dive into the void without any second thoughts. I try my hardest to stay as I float. 

Not wanting to find out what happens when I fall asleep in a dream, I eventually get to the area where I got the shade cloak. Leaning against the thing holding the weird void bowl I finally stop to rest for a moment. What the fuck is going on? This is really realistic what the fuck. Was it all a dream?

Was all of that with river and quirrel and the pale bitch a dream? Was- what happened to goateye- all a FUCKING DREAM? I can't believe it I really can't but I hope it was. Maybe it was some fucked up nightmare and goateye is alive and safe and-

oh who am I kidding? Of course not. There's no way. It's not possible, it can't be possible. Sure I have realistic dreams but I've never dreamt anything that detailed. Goateye- they died, the were fucking impaled and bleeding out at the bottom of that room. 

They're dead it's not real it's not real it's not real it's not- I continue on like that for awhile, repeating it to myself curled into a ball against the statue. I'm not sure how long it was, time started to blend together at some point.

 I had no idea if it'd been minutes, hours, days, months even, since I had gotten her but I was snapped out of it when goateye walked in. I scrambled to get up and leave, ignoring them trying to call out to me through voidspeak, I couldn't deal with this right now. 

I was just starting to forget what happened why now of all times. I shouldn't be complaining I don't get to complain. They fucking died because of me, it was my fault I wasn't ready, my fault I didn't see it coming.

After awhile of being chased through the tunnels I got to the lake before them. Jumping in as soon as I could, avoiding falling asleep by focusing on where to go next. How will I escape? I can't go up the platforms, what if they die again?

Wait since this is a dream, would I wake up if I died?

(A/N HEY EVERYBODY. Sorry for the lack of updates I honestly lost motivation for this fic for awhile. I'll still be interested in hollow knight and the two fics I'm writing in that universe but I'm currently moving to the LMK fandom so you might see some stuff for that (I will not tolerate ship wars in my comments if  I do). Moving onto the contents of the fic- that was really fun huh? I love writing angst so much. Have a good day y'all)