Deadly Double Love

Deadly Double Love 40

My eyes fluttered open and I looked around. Light was pouring through the cracks in the walls, so I figured it had to be late in the morning or early in the afternoon. Suddenly, I remembered my dad and sat up quickly. Scott was lying next to me, snoring a little. My dad looked to be sleeping as well. I shook Scott’s shoulder to wake him up.

“How’s my dad doing?” I asked. “Should I wake him or should I let him sleep a little longer?”

Scott looked at me, but didn’t respond.

“I was just wondering because I don’t know if more sleep could help or not,” I said.

“Kitty,” Scott said softly.

“What?” I said.

“He’s gone.” His voice was barely audible.

For a second, my heart seemed to stop.

“No,” I said. “You’re lying.”

“Kitty, I’m sorry,” Scott whispered.

“No!” I said. “He’s just sleeping!”

Quickly, I pushed myself over to my dad’s side.

“Dad,” I said. “It’s time to wake up.”

He didn’t move.

“Dad!” I shouted, shaking his shoulder. “You have to wake up!”

He stayed perfectly still.

“Come on, dad!” I said, my voice cracking. “Come on.”

I placed my hand on top of his, only to feel it was ice cold. I bit my lip to keep from crying.

I felt Scott put a hand on my shoulder. I turned to face him.

“Why didn’t you wake me up to let me say goodbye?” I said angrily.

“I fell asleep and when I woke up he had passed away already,” Scott explained. “There was nothing I could do.”

“I needed to say goodbye!” I yelled.

“You already had,” Scott told me.

“But I wasn’t ready!” I shouted.

“Neither was he,” Scott reminded me.

I fell silent, not knowing how to respond. I hadn’t really thought about that. I had been so caught up about how I’d feel when he was gone and how I’d cope with it. But I’d never even thought about how my dad felt about his impending death.

It must have been terrible for him, knowing he was about to die. Knowing he was leaving me behind to deal with all of this. But at least he knew he wouldn’t be alone in heaven since my mom was there too.

“I’m an orphan,” I said suddenly.

“I know,” Scott whispered. “But I’m here for you.”

“I’ll never be anyone’s daughter again,” I told him.

“I can’t imagine how terrible that must feel,” Scott said.

“I’m alone,” I said.

“No.” Scott’s voice was firm. “I’ll never leave you.”

“Promise?” I whispered.

“I promise,” Scott replied, looking into my eyes. “I’ll be with you forever.”

“Thank you,” I breathed.

“Kitty,” Scott said.

“Yeah?” I replied.

There was a long silence and I looked over at Scott to see if he was okay.

“I- I love you,” he stammered, obviously nervous at saying those words to me for the first time.

I knew I was supposed to feel something after hearing those words. Especially after all Scott and I had been through together. He had been my rock when I was a mess and he always made me feel good. But still, I didn’t feel anything.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I can’t.”

Scott looked at the ground, disappointed. He had a good reason to feel that way. Usually after you profess your love to someone, you want them to reciprocate. But I just couldn’t.

“My dad just died,” I said. “I can’t feel anything but pain right now.”

“I understand,” he mumbled. “I just wanted to make you feel better. I wanted you to know how much I really care about you.”

“I know,” I replied. “And I’m sorry I can’t say it back.”

For a moment, he was quiet.

“Why don’t you love me?” he finally asked.

“What?” I said.

“I’ve been with you through all of this, I’ve held your hand, I’ve kissed you, I’ve been totally honest with you,” he said,

“Please don’t do this,” I whispered.

“But I have to know what I did wrong,” he told me. “I have to know what I did to make you not love me.”

“Nothing,” I insisted. “You did everything right.”

“Then why don’t you love me?” He looked at me with tears in his eyes.

“My dad just died! I am in shock, I feel numb, I feel sick,” I said. “But I just can’t feel love right now!”

Scott didn’t look at me.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.