It's Different

Strawberry perfume

Its been a week. A week full of catching Ms Daisy staring at me. A week of us not talking about the kiss. The fact that she kissed me and was probably questioning her sexuality. I've tried talking to her but she's never home or she's always working more now. When she probably is home I'm at school.

Why did I expect this to work? For it to go further than that? Further than just a kiss. Maybe a relationship? But the truth is I'm just her daughters best friend. Why would she risk everything- her relationship with others, her reputation. Why should she risk everything- for me?

I sit in the kitchen by myself doing some homework. Tapping my pen against the island. I hear the door open and I don't turn around expecting it to be Tosh since she went out a few minutes ago to get some food.

Then I hear someone about to go up the stairs so I turn around and see Daisy.

"So are you avoiding me ?"

I say out loud. Ms Daisy stops in her tracks and freezes. She turns around to look at me. She sighs walking back down the stairs.

"Why would I be avoiding you?"

I tilt my head. Is she serious?

"You know what. Sorry. Forget about it."

I turn back around a pick up my pen scribbling nonsense on my paper. I hear footsteps coming towards me and smell a waft of strawberry perfume.

"Zoe about what happened at that party, I was drunk and sad and I made a mistake."

I felt my heart break. I knew that this would happen. I knew that the next day she would say it was a mistake. I fully expected it. But why did I feel sad? Why did I feel disappointment. I was disappointed in myself for allowing this to happen. For allowing her to kiss me. And for allowing myself to absolutely like it.

I keep looking down at my paper almost as if she wasn't standing next to me. I try my hardest not to let the tears fall and not to allow her to see them. So I let out a swift.

"Ok." 

Knowing that if I said another thing I would burst out in sobs.

I hear her sigh. "Zoe this doesn't mean that I don't care about you. I'm just- I'm sorry."

I nod my head and say

"Yea."

I just want to be left alone. I hear her going up the stairs and I get up from the chair going to the door and walking outside in the back yard. And I let myself cry. I let myself sob.