Finding Home: A Novella

June

I spent three weeks doing absolutely nothing.

I woke up, showered, ate breakfast, and went out with whoever was free. Sometimes I would go to little stores around town with Adelaide, sometimes Jackson would take me to meet a few friends at a park or the mall. Either way, I said as little as possible.

I did end up with some new clothes, but Adelaide had refused to let me pay for them. She declined my offering to pay for anything, in fact. I had not spent a single penny of the money found in my bag.

She always told me, "I have a job, you don't. I knew my responsibilities when I offered to take you in, the least of which is keeping you clothed and fed."

"You didn't realize I would be staying with you as long as I have," I would counter.

"That doesn't change a thing, and you know it."

There still had been no information about my real life, and I found my own ways of distracting myself from that. The first day I went out with Adelaide she had brought me to the local library. I didn't get any books that day, but since then I've been checking out two or three books a week. There was something so freeing about immersing myself in these fantastical worlds. No matter what the book was about, I learned my place in it the moment I began to read- unlike in my current life where I still am lost a month after arriving.

Aside from reading, I also began getting into more physical activities as my body began feeling normal again. Jackson and his friends spent much of their summer days playing basketball. Though I wouldn't have said I enjoyed the company of six competitive teenage boys, I still played with them every time, if only to give myself something to do. I didn't usually talk to them much, but I could easily play with them without too much awkwardness. When my body still ached too much for a game, I sat on the sidelines with a book, though these occurrences began to make appearances less and less as the days moved forward.

Despite finding these activities to fill my days, I still felt isolated from the rest of the world. I was more comfortable with the Reids now, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was only disturbing them, and that feeling only got worse when they insisted I wasn't.

Adelaide went to work four days a week- as a therapist, I've discovered- but when she was home she did everything she could to make me feel comfortable. Sometimes a bit too much. She constantly reminded me it was okay to talk to her about my feelings, telling me it might even help jog my memory, but all I wanted was to forget every feeling I've ever had, and I didn't have much hope that anything could jog my memory. It had been a month, how much longer was it supposed to take?

Hanging out with Jackson was a relief from all of that. It might have been just as awkward being with him, but at least he felt the awkwardness of my being there as much as I had. We were perfectly content to sit quietly together whenever we were alone without the distraction of his friends. That is, I thought we were, until almost a month after my arrival.

"You don't have to be so solemn all the time, you know," he said to me as we were walking home from the park after a few hours of basketball with his friends.

"What do you mean?" I queried. I may have been quiet, but I didn't think I was wallowing that noticeably.

"I see you whenever you're reading or playing basketball. It looks like you wake up after taking a week-long nap. I think those are the only times I've seen you show some emotion."

"Are you seriously asking me to be happier? I barely know who I am! I have spent the last month trying to forget that I cannot remember my entire life. Excuse me if I'm not exactly the perfect new cause to help you and your mother feel better about the world we live in, but I really don't feel like changing my mood to appease you! Oh and by the way-" I stopped suddenly when I glanced at his face. His eyebrows were raised and his mouth was open in a half dumb-founded, half-amused expression.

"Well, that was certainly emotion."

"Shut up." I began to walk away from him.

"Hold up!" He ran to my side. I stopped and looked at him expectantly. "I'm sorry. I really am, but I didn't mean you had to be happy all of the sudden. I understand- well no, I don't understand, but what happened to you was a crappy thing. I just meant it's okay to be angry. You don't have to always be polite and silent."

"I- oh. Okay." I didn't know what else to say.

"And just so you know, you don't have to remember your life before the accident to know who you are. You can figure that out yourself while you're here, and when you can go back home, you'll already know. You never know, maybe you'll discover something about yourself that you would never have known if you never came here."

I didn't respond

We walked in silence the rest of the way home. It wasn't an angry silence, but rather a contemplative one. I could tell we were both thinking about our conversation, wondering if we went too far with our accusations.

When we arrived back at the house Jackson went straight to his room, I, however, went to find Adelaide in her small office room. She was sitting at her desk staring at a few papers.

"Hey, Adelaide," greeted softly.

"Hey, Madison," she looked up from her desk. "How was the game today?"

"It was fine." I hesitated before continuing, "You know how you've been offering to take me in for a session with you to see if it triggers any memories?"

"Yes, I do," Adelaide said as her eyes softened.

"I think I'm ready to take you up on that."