Madam Momus and Her Dirty Diaries.

Chapter 18 - River-Deal

I didn't expect Kevin to be happy but I didn't expect him to be so upset either. When I walked in he was throwing his jacket on. I wondered how long he had been sitting here...the voice in my head answered that for me.

'Long enough to see enough.'

"Kevin?" I wrung my hands, I know I didn't do anything wrong but I felt so bad. Maybe he didn't see anything? We were pretty discreet, right? Oh, who am I kidding? We were as discreet as the big ol' white elephant that was in the room with Kevin and I right now.

"Don't mind me, I'm leaving." He couldn't even look me in the eyes. I saw the bouquet of roses resting on the counter and my guilt tripled. He had probably come over to take me out on another date. The other voice in my head, the other one that dressed in all red and had a pitch fork marvelled at how I had one man giving me orgasms while another waited to give me flowers.

'You go girl.' She said. The voice of good reason was shocked and reminded me that what I had done to Kevin was awful.

"Wait, I-" I took a step in front of him. What was I going to say? I didn't know but I couldn't let him leave like this.

"Don't make me wait for a second longer! I had to-" His words fell off. He was opening and closing his mouth but the words weren't coming out. It was like they were too filthy to utter. 

"I'm sorry you had to see that." 

"River. Please move." He still wasn't looking at me.

"I'm sorry Kevin." I offered.

"You told me I had nothing to worry about!"

"That was before...things just kind of changed?" Whatever I was fixing up to say sounded lame. In between now and then I could've told him, but because I was a coward I had strung him along. Had the roles been reversed I would've been pissed too. "I don't know what to tell you, besides I'm sorry."

I did mean it, but I could tell the words didn't have any meaning to him. I sure as hell wouldn't have been satisfied with a lame, I'm sorry.

"Should've listened when they warned me about you two." He shook his head and mumbled to himself but I heard him.

"They?"

"Yeah. They. The grapevine says you're Wesley's little plaything. I didn't want to believe it because I know you!" He scoffed. "Or at least I thought I did."

Small towns have always been the hub of gossip. Everybody was in everybody's business. I don't blame Wesley for being so secretive about everything, people in this town didn't know how to mind their own. It never really bothered me, because I was never the talk of the town.

I'd seen countless times how women and men would huddle together and gossip. My entire temperature spiked imagining them discussing me. It angered me more that they had labelled me as 'one of Wesley's playthings', I had judged the countless women who had fallen for his charms, it made me sick to think that I was one of them. It had to be different with me, right?

"I'm not anybody's plaything."

"That's what the girls before you thought. Did you hit your head and forget who he is?"

"You don't know him like I do! Wesley's not like that!" I'm sure if me from a few months ago, could listen to me speak now, she'd be horrified. I sounded delusional.

But people change. How could a town full of people who grew up around each other and witness each other change, not believe that? Why did everyone insist on holding Wesley's past against him, it hardly seemed fair! If I had the guts to expose some of the grimy shit Madam Momus gets sent, they would all see that they were the awful ones. Not Wesley.