Madam Momus and Her Dirty Diaries.

Chapter 6 - C-SEXion Education

His jaw was clenched and he looked...angry?

I immediately jumped out of his lap like I was burnt. He stood up and turned around, running his hands through his hair. He released a breath like he was trying to calm himself down.

When I was in high school, I really liked this one guy. He was really nice to me and because my self-esteem was so low I assumed he liked me back. So I asked him out, not like on a date or anything, just to hang out. He reacted with such disgust, I promised myself never to put myself in that position again.

His reaction shattered me and made me feel like the scum of the earth.

In this moment I was reminded of that feeling. Wesley was having the same reaction and any thing I thought we had shattered into a million pieces. I felt so small in that moment, I could literally beg the floor to suck me in. What was I thinking? Touching him like that. He's skin was probably crawling as we speak. Not to mention I had probably crossed a boundary.

"I'm s-sorry Wesley. I- I didn't mean-" I tried to stutter out my apology but the ball in my throat made it hard to speak. I was trying my level best not to cry but it was hard when you felt so undesirable. "I was trying t-to help."

"I need a minute."

"If I over-stepped I'm sorry-" His back was still faced towards me, I could only imagine the look of disgust on his face. He placed both hands on his hips and looked up to the ceiling, releasing another loaded breath.

"River if you don't leave this room right now, I'm going to do something you're going to regret." What does that mean? Was he threatening me? I froze. Just a few minutes ago I had witnessed what he was capable of. I had never been afraid of Wesley, until now. When he didn't hear any movements to the door he looked over his shoulder and repeated his request.

From where I was standing I could see usually sky blue eyes had darkened. His pupil had dilated so much his eyes looked like sapphires. I read a paper once that said emotion and cognitive activity can stimulate pupil dilation. He must be really pissed off with me.

So pissed off he asked me to leave. He couldn't even stand to be in the same room as me. I don't know why I nodded but I did, leaving the room. I was determined to respect his personal space. After all I had completely disrespected it. Then I went to the bathroom and tried to compose myself.

Listen, giving yourself a mini 'don't cry' pep talk in the bathroom at work is an all time low but I couldn't hold it in long enough to get home. I felt like absolute shit and I hated that Wesley Sykes was able to make me feel that way. It had been years since I felt this way but he managed to dig up these memories like they happened yesterday.

I exited the bathroom stall to look at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red which meant I'd have to stick around here until they cleared. My slick back was now a mess. I knew I shouldn't have tried that new hair gel, because it didn't hold at all. My hair was waving like crazy and it was flaking around the ponytail. I gently picked at the pieces as I regulated my breathing. At least I didn't wear make up to work so I didn't have to worry about smudged mascara. One splash of water and I'd be looking bright eyed and bushy tailed.

I took a moment to look at myself, to really look at myself. I didn't have straight glossy hair like Lucy, mine was wild and coily. I always kept it in a bun or braid for that reason. 

My eyes weren't the colour of the ocean or green pastures. They were dark brown, like a stale cup of black coffee. I didn't have the cupid's bow above thin shapely lips, my lips were full. My top lip was darker than my bottom lip, and they were way too plump to be considered attractive. I was always afraid of wearing bright lipsticks, because I thought they'd draw too much attention.