Mein Sonnenschein.

Chapter 12 | Exposed.

I left the room, quickly shutting the door behind me only to be met with Tills face, staring at me. I jumped, visibly jumped and my hand flew to my chest, "Fuck Till! Jesus! What are you just stood there for. You nearly gave me a heart attack." I took a breath trying to steady myself as he just stared at me. It made me really uncomfortable but I just laughed, "Damn, come on Till. I need to go to the shop, I need a new packet of cigarettes, then we can hang out. How about that?" Till nodded his head yes slowly before replying, "Okay, but why don't you invite Paul as well?" I froze. Does he know? Or is he just thinking about extra company? Quickly answer before he works out somethings wrong. "Okay, yeah we can. That'll be nice, I haven't seen him yet since we started break." Play it cool. I walked past Till going to get my jacket before he stopped me, grabbing my arm, not tight just to stop me. "Where are you going?"
"To get my coat?" I sound so lost right now. Even if I try to be confident it just isn't working, my nerves are too shaky. "Shouldn't you ask Paul first?" He asked me, straight faced like Till usually is but it was unsettling right now. I took a deep breath, just trying to keep any level of composure I have left. "Oh, well yea I can do." I pulled my phone out of my pocket but Till just shook his head. "Come on Richard. I'm not that stupid. Go get Paul." He let go of my arm and went into the living room, probably sitting down.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.... Fuck. I went back into the bedroom where I saw Paul had sat back on the bed and I just stood there for a moment. This is happening very fast, I'm not sure how to deal with this. "Till knows... Or well he knows somethings going on. He knows you're here and wants you to come out." Paul jumped off the bed and walked over to me, almost as if he's judging if I'm being truthful or not. "Richard-" I just turned away and gestured for him to follow, "Come on, we best just do this." I think right now I'm in a state of slight shock. Such a good day could all be ruined right here, right now. Paul followed me, his eyes watching the floor as he stuck close behind me. Till was sat on the couch which faces away from the hallway to the rooms, waiting I'm guessing. Me and Paul sat down on the couch across from him, Paul still sticking close to me. I can't blame him, this is a problem. Nerve racking. If he wasn't so close to me, I'd be sticking close to him.

For maybe two minutes the three of us just sat there, me and Paul having our eyes trained on the coffee table in front of us, avoiding Tills gaze as he didn't take his eyes off of us. Then he spoke, "So.. Why were you hiding from me Paul? Didn't want me to know something? Didn't want me to know you were here, why?"
"Oh, urm, I don't know Till. I was just, um tired. And I didn't feel too well. I was taking a nap, Richard let me. He was just, urm, giving me time to wake up and checking I was okay before I came out and said hi." Not convincing Paul, but decent. I hope if I reinforce this argument he'll believe us. "Yea, sorry for lying to you Till. I was just making sure Paul was good."
"Bullshit. Come on guys I'm not an idiot. If that was true, Richard you'd have just told me. We know you would have. And Paul, if you were so ill you had to take a nap, how are you fine now? And if you were taking a nap where were you when I came into the room. Come on guys, I want you to tell me the truth. Now please." Till replied, taking a drink of his beer. I hesitated, contemplating our options. I looked over at Paul and we just looked at each other for a moment, almost as if we were talking to each other through our minds. Both trying to come to some silent agreement while Till, surprisingly patient, waited. I sighed out loud, more of a groan really before looking back at Till. He wants to truth, fine. I'm not going to hide it anymore. "Me and Paul have a thing we're exploring right now. Not necessarily a relationship, not properly, not yet. Just a feeling we want to understand. It's been going on for maybe a month now, not like this because we've been on tour obviously. That's why I didn't tell you he was here because you surprised us by just arriving and we didn't have time to get a story straight. I guess all we can say is, sorry for lying to you. But this is what's going on." Did that make sense? I think it did. Till sat there still and quiet, I think this confession had surprised him honestly. He then put his beer on the table and lent forward, his elbows resting on his knees, still observing us. "So, you've been.. dating?" I shrugged my shoulders and glanced at Paul nodding slightly, "You could say that. I know it's a dangerous thing, for the band I mean. But trust me when I say, this wasn't planned. And I tried my best to stop those feelings but I couldn't."
"Me neither, it was a mutual thing we both wanted." Paul chipped into the conversation slightly. I nodded, showing I agreed with Paul and tried to give him a reassuring smile even though I wasn't sure myself. "Well, I knew something was going on but I didn't think it was that. A month?" We both nodded our head yes. "Do any of the guys know beside me?" We shook our head, not much communication of words going on. "Flake worked out I liked Paul, but he doesn't know anything actually happened." Till had some sort of reaction, I can't describe what exactly, but something in his body language just changed for a second at the mention of Flake. It was silent again and I couldn't stand it. What is Till thinking about so much that's taking so long for responses. "Okay. Well, you need to tell them. I'll call them all and organize a meeting tomorrow." Both mine and Pauls head shot up to look at Till. He's being serious. Tomorrow? "Tomorrow? Till no. I think both me and Paul understand we need to tell the guys but not tomorrow. You can't expect us to do that."
"Why not?" Till simply replied, straight faced.
"Because that's too soon." Paul started, "We don't even know what's going on, only that we like each other in some way other than friends. We go telling the guys it'll be more and more questions which we can't even answer ourselves. We need more time to work it out as well." Very well put Paul. I couldn't help but nod my head in agreement. "If we push these feelings they may get... confused?" Till huffed and sat back in the couch, running his hands through his hair as though he was thinking. He took another look at us both before standing up and grabbing his coat, "Tomorrow, our usual band meeting spot. Be there or not. But either way, the guys need to know. They deserve to know. I'm sorry Paul, Richard. But this has to happen." Till left the apartment and it was silent again.

"Fuck."