Delta [Epsilon #2]

Chapter Twenty-Three

I balled the paper in my hands. Damn him. Damn him for making me angry in so little words. And damn him for the shame burning in my cheeks. 

I looked towards the ensuite door. I then looked towards the bed, the sheets depressed from where I'd been bathing in my own wrath, and realised he was right. I had been sitting around feeling sorry for myself, but so what? I was powerless. Shouldn't he know that better than anyone? 

Before I could change my mind, I threw on simple day clothes and clicked on the thick black cloak. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the door and opened it, wincing at the bright light that greeted me.

The halls were empty. I was glad for this little mercy, a thread of light in the midst of a storm. Every light burned my eyes, a pain I decided I deserved. So long as Zion and Alia were hurting, I deserved to hurt, didn't I?

Alia. I'd tried not to think of her. Zion was tough, but Alia wasn't. I hoped to god Azriel had left her alone, but I knew better.

grunting, I began my stiff walk down the halls. The orange light filtering in through the windows told me it was still dawn, meaning either breakfast was about to commence or had already started. I hoped for the former, I decided, as my stomach clenched with hunger. I hadn't eaten in days.

By the time I'd made it to the dining hall, I was resigned. Clamour came out to greet me, but I didn't register any of it. I was stuck in the cold chamber of my mind, aware of nothing but the thoughts in my head; the guilt.

I was faintly aware of the hush that fell over the hall at my entrance, at all the eyes on me. I stared at into the sea of people, their faces blurred, unrecognisable. Unimportant. I tried to focus on the head table, on the people who sat there, but they were blurred, too. It was as though I'd lost touch with reality. 

The walk down the tables felt like an eternity. As I passed them, I made out flashes of expressions -- pity, sadness, sympathy. I really must be out of touch with reality. Since when did anyone feel sympathy for someone like me?

I continued to drag my feet until a pair of familiar faces focused amongst the sea of people, like beacons of hope. But not even their plastered smiles could hide the sadness in their eyes. Maybe they thought they hid their pity well, but I saw right through it. Another day, I may have been angered by the pity, but I couldn't muster the energy. I felt nothing. 

"Morning, Kyra," Azure chirped as I approached. I dipped my head in acknowledgement but didn't dare speak. I was afraid my voice would betray me.

"We've been waiting for you to join us," Raina chimed in, shuffling along the bench to make room for me. I though she meant her and Azure, but as I sat, I realised we had more company. I recognised a few of the faces around me as some of the youngsters I'd trained, that same sadness on their faces. They didn't speak, for their mouths were drawn into grim lines, but they did try smile. 

I blinked back my surprise. What was going on?

"The trainees thought you were really impressive the other day, holding your own against the Delta and all," Azure explained. The gathered nodded their agreement, but my attention was already diverted. The Delta. Before I knew it, my eyes were searching.

Other eyes stared at me, but I looked past them. Instead, I looked at the head table, towards the dark figure staring right back at me. The Delta. His face was set, cold and unyielding as ever. It was refreshing, in a way. Finally, someone who would regard me as I deserved to be regarded. Not as some poor tormented girl, but someone who was weak. Someone who was a coward, undeserving of this sympathy.