Untitled Princess Carolyn Project

Chapter 17

The door of the plane closes and the sight of Jackal's corpse disappears. I let go of Perellies, who collapses into a screaming pile on the floor. My knees give out and my arms instinctively catch my body. I stay like that for a while. Long enough for Perellies to stop choking on her tears. She stops screaming, stops sobbing, stops coughing. And I feel her eyes on me.

"You just let him die."

My head snaps up and I look at her. Her eyes are filled with anger and disgust mixed with exhaustion and pain.

"What."

"You ran away. You left him there. He can't fight. He can't defend himself," She says, voice shaking.

"He told me to run."

"He's an idiot! He's an arrogant, uptight, egotistical dumbass!!" She screams, pushing herself to her feet.

"He wouldn't have stopped fighting until I was safe."

"You're more powerful! You should have dragged him with you! You let him die! This is your fault!" She screams louder, "your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault!!!"

I just stare.

She quiets to heavy sobs.

When I don't respond, she collapses again. Sobbing and screaming. I force myself up and leave her on the floor. Xander is staring straight ahead with tears streaming down his face. I sit in the other chair and stare ahead with him.

It's silent save for Perellies heavy sobs. Time stretches endlessly as Perellies sobs herself to sleep. I listen to the loud buzz of the plane and mindlessly trace the electricity running through the wires. I follow a charge as it makes its way from the battery of the plane to the controls, and then back down the wire and our into the wings.

"I wasn't close with Jackal," Xander says finally, "I met him and his brother a few times but he was never in the palace and I never really left so I-" He takes a deep breath before starting again, "I wasn't flirting with you. I only wanted to be friends. I'm sorry if I came off like I wanted more."

"I didn't- I don't- Xander, I didn't tell Michael I thought you were interested. I wanted to be friends too."

"Oh. I'm sorry, I just assumed since Michael knows I wouldn't be interested in someone like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I laugh.

He smiles and his face flushes. Then he shakes his head and offers another small chuckle. I let it go.

The silence of what happened returns. I think about Perellies. Is she right? Is it my fault? I know Jackal wouldn't have moved from that spot until I was safe, but if I had dragged him with me he might've survived. I have my power with me constantly, and he does not. What would it have taken to save him? Five seconds or my life?

Seemingly reading my thoughts, Xander turns to look me in the eyes.

"She's wrong, Analia. The few times I have talked to Jackal have taught me enough about him. He wouldn't have gone anywhere until you were safe. If you fought him on that he would've become your human shield, and it's very difficult for two people to coordinate enough to dodge anything."

I feel something rise in my throat, and I know if I say anything I'll break. So I nod, refusing to look at him. Another few minutes of silence pass. We both stare at the wall as if waiting for everything to dissolve back into the camp. As if it could all possibly have been a dream. Then, suddenly, I am a dream.

Xander gets up and says something about landing soon. He goes back to sit in the cockpit. I slide onto the floor. I sit there and wonder why I haven't cried or screamed or anything. All I've felt is my heart and stomach dropping, and then nothing else. It'll hit me eventually. The same way it did with Drake.