My Dead Wife's Diary

The End of the Love Story

"So, this is the end.", she whispered.

She held my hand so tight like she never want to let go of the last air of breath she has in her lungs. It's going to get hurt but I think it's all for the better.

"No, don't say that.", I refused softly.

"You're right. It's just the beginning, Sieg. You're about to begin yours. I'm sorry for holding you too long.", a tear departed her doe eyes after playing in her lashes.

"No, Liz. Please don't say that. Our years together... those are the best three years of my life.", I carried her upper body away from the hospital bed that imprisoned her for 7 months 'til that day. I hugged her for the last time and I heard how she let go of that last breath she's been holding for hours with a soft and silent "I love you."

Just like that, the woman I married three years ago is gone.

I've been waiting for that last goodbye for 5 months now. I may sound like a cold-hearted bastard, but I'm just human. When I learned about her terminal breast cancer, it devastate me. It ruined my whole being. We've just said our vows 2 years ago and we were just planning an entire lifetime together. We never even have kids for we are so engrossed with the life's adventure for a newly-wed couple like ourselves. We were so drowned and drunk to the ecstatic state of having no responsibilities aside from that for us. We were living an ideal life until the party light shut down and it's over. Who knew it will be over? She's so young. She's only 27. Who could've imagine that she'll die soon?

"She knew it, Sieg. Please don't hate her. She loves you so much. She couldn't break your heart by telling you that she's dying.", her mother confessed a month after I discovered her condition.

I felt so betrayed. Why wouldn't she tell me? I'm her husband. How could she possibly expect me to be okay when here I am so helpless and hopeless. I didnt know where to turn to, I didn't know how to turn things around, and I didn't know how can I live with the vow that I promised her when she took away the capacity for me to help her and be with her to fight her battles. It felt like she left me for someone else and knocked me out when she all has her bags on her way out of our door. And I don't have the power to stop her from going. She left me with nothing. She took away everything from me even before we got married. She betrayed me even before she said "I do".

Five months ago, I met someone. Mandy and I started as strangers in the bar sipping something to help us forget and hoping things will be different after we wake up.

"You're a mess." she said when I opened an eye the next morning. Her soft skin touching mine while her index finger is playing with my chest hair.

"I know. I'm sorry. I should be going. What time is it?" I hurriedly got up.

"Don't rush. You're not yet fine. And I know you don't want to go." , she seducingly uttered. A part of me wants to agree with her and another part is telling me why am I doing this when my wife is stuck in the hospital and she needs me more than ever.

"You know, Mandy, you're beautiful and kind. I don't want to take advantage..."

"Well, Mister, you already did and I really don't mind. You deserve better than your wife. She betrayed you. My boyfriend betrayed me. We deserve each other.", she grabbed me from behind and clasped her hand so strong like a chain on my chest. We kissed and dived again to the invitation of pleasure.

Since then, Mandy and I were inseparable. It felt like she understands me like no other. She listened to my cries and never judged me, I felt sorry for her story with her boyfriend and our broken hearts found a strong connection. My wife had no idea or I thought she hadn't. I go to work in the morning, drop by the hospital after work, stay there for two hours, kiss her goodbye, and sleep with Mandy at night. We were like husband and wife while Liz was like a sick friend I have to visit every day. I never felt any guilt. I thought it was just fair and having Mandy is the justice that I've been looking for.

Now that Liz is dead, there's no sense for me to plot for any divorce Mandy and I had been fighting about. She needn't to be jealous. Mandy and I can go out of public places holding hand-in-hand and let everyone see us without worrying or fearing condemnation. Our love story can now truly begin because Liz and I just had our ending.