Draco Malfoy The Emo Loner And Quirky Y/n Slander

Y/n diskovers...

Y/n was making her way to Proffeessor McGonagall's office.

She wanted Hand to be transfigured. Into a man. So she could ask Hand if he knew any 2014 pop songs related to fighting and songing. 

Knock knock

"Come in," McGonaganal said.

"I want you to transform my husband into a man."

"No can't do."

Y/n's expression changed. Her petite figure dropped to the floor and she curled up in fetus position. She started to cutley bawl her eyes out. Petite droplets of tears fell from her blue gray orange purple yellow orbs.

McGoonganagall looked at her in disgust." Get up."

Y/n got up. Her petite tears had fallen on the ground and had burned a hole through them. She could see a first year picking his nose and farting at the same time on the floor below.

"What is it you would like to transfigure?" McGonagallall was humoring y/n because she wanted y/n to stop crying on her gorgeous cedar wood-brown with a tinge of red- floor that her first husband Handy Mandy had made for her.

"T-t-t-this s-severed h-h-hand," she stuttered cutley holding the hand out.

"a... Hand?" McGogogonalalala didn't make it a habit to judge students (except for Andrew Shitelickr. You can guess what he liked to do in his free time) but this was a literal hand?!

"Y-yeah. Isn't Timothie t-the hottest?"

"Erm..."

"Anyway," y/n pouted cutley, "m-make my hubby human OwO."

"I can't do that, frea- I mean valued student."

"AWWW I'LL CRY AGAIN!" y/n waved her hands around like whiny bitch.

"No no no no no, do you know how hard it is to replace real cedar? Look, you wouldn't understand the reasons, but it's not possible to do what you want me to."

"BUT YOU'RE MAGIC!"

"And my third husband said he didn't have any weird fetishes but then he started liking licking my pet llama's feet so whattcha gon do?"

Y/n was silent. She could feel the pearl tears pooling in her orbs. She was so close to being with her honny-boo-boo-bear and yet so far. Y/n was desperate. She did the only thing she knew would work. She took in a large gush of air and said, "t-this i-i-is m-my fight song." The ancient walls of Hagwortz reverbrated with the sound of y/n's mouth. She sang and sang and sang until Dumblewhore ran in, half naked from alone time with Dobby and begged McGongognall to do what y/n asked.

So McGonggagagangngngal did. Because she was indeed magic. 

"Hello...?" Timothie the hand said.

"TIMOTHIE!" Y/n squealed and hugged her 7'9, blonde with grey eyes, super fit extremly muscular Hand-Human. 

"Um..."

"IT'S ME YOUR WIFE!" Y/n yelled and squealed. Everyone in a one mile radius's eardrums shattered. 

"K."

And then Y/n and Timothie moved to a tiny village in Scotland called Larsville and had 3.5 babies and y/n got a job as a spiritual yoga teacher and Timothie got a job as a hot dude, and their children grew up to become nihilists and have 6 cats each, but even though the kids lived four houses away, the family made it a tradiotion to shit togther at 3 pm everyday.

lol jk