✓ laundry boy | yang jungwon

50: -laundry boy

i didn't want it to end there.

we both didn't want it to end there.

i flipped the page, hoping there were more messages.

nothing.

is that it?

it still feels so incomplete.

i closed the journal before placing it next to me where i sat.

cold tears rolled down my cheeks, i didn't even care to wipe them away. there wasn't any point if they'd just continue to fall.

here i am, on top of the place where it all started.

do i regret it?

is this what you meant when you asked me, "do you want to know what loss feels like?"

"i miss you." i mutter to myself.

i don't know anymore.

i think i'll wake up each morning while thinking of you.

it hurts.

you left me too soon.

is it too late to take back what i said?

about letting go?

even after you let go, i'll still be here.

by your side, waiting and thinking of you.

what should i do?

i picked myself up from the ledge and hopped down. i took the journal and shoved it in my pocket.

when i walked over to where i had to climb up to get here, i remembered him once again.

"wont you catch me, laundryboy?" i whispered, crying again.

he's not here to catch me anymore.

it doesn't feel right when one of us is not here. it feels like half of my heart is missing.

i lost him, my bestfriend.

my laundry boy.

~~

i'm at my grandpa's place.

i cried while hugging him. i cried and cried even more.

i feel lonely all over again.

the clothes i washed were still with me. i felt so exhausted, so my grandpa brought me to the same bed that jungwon and i slept in.

all i could to was cover myself in the blankets tightly, trying to remember what it felt like when you were here. i even put your shirt on a pillow to hug it.

i tried imagining you, it's not the same as you actually being here...

and that damn shirt, it didn't even smell like you.

i knew i shouldn't have washed it.

you tricked me.

right there, i realized i couldn't fall asleep. so i got up and pulled the journal out of my unchanged clothes. i went to a blank page, but i ruined it because my tears soaked onto the page.

i wiped them away aggressively but they just wouldn't stop. i had to calm down...

when i finally forced them to stop, i decided to start writing, but i didn't know what to write.