Love in the Shadows (Book 2)

Chapter 7

"Happy For You" - Lukas Graham

Sleep...sleep...sleep...

I wonder if I say it enough times will it actually help me fall into it.

Even as I feel Steve's steady breathing, I can't get my brain to shut off long enough to get anywhere close to sleep. I don't know how long I lie there, eyes wide awake as I stare at Steve's chest rising and falling with even breaths. Eventually he shifts his position and disentangles himself from me. I take this opportunity and sit up, moving carefully so that I don't wake him. I watch him for a moment, the peacefulness on his face making me smile. I'm glad that after the mess of today he's able to find some peace.

I, on the other hand, desperately need a distraction.

I slowly come off the bed and then change into some leggings and a sweatshirt. I quietly step out the door, giving Steve one last glance before closing it behind me. I head downstairs and into the kitchen, reaching for the one thing that usually helps on sleepless nights.

Rainbow sherbet ice-cream.

But I soon realize that maybe even this isn't going to be enough to help. My mind is still elsewhere as I push the spoon around the pint, the movement getting easier and easier as the ice-cream continues to melt. I'm going back and forth between what I should do and what I want to do. I should go back to bed, curl up into Steve's arms and stay there, even if I can't fully go to sleep. But what I want to do, what I truly think will bring me some form of comfort after everything that's happened...well let's just say it's something that will get me in trouble by a few people.

But I'm already putting the ice-cream away even before I finish telling myself that this is a very bad idea.

I leave the housing building, feeling an odd comfort in the silence that surrounds me. It's a nice change from the constant whispers and I've been hearing the past two days. As I get closer to the secure room I start trying to figure out what exactly I'm going to do. If I'm lucky the agent on guard will be someone I know well, hopefully one of the few people who aren't completely disgusted with me.

I just need to see him. I need to see that he's okay. I don't want my last memory of him to be the face full of hatred that I saw as he looked at me. Although, I suppose seeing him trapped in a cell isn't exactly a comforting sight either. Still, I'm not going to be able to get this idea out of my head. And if he's going to be taken away tomorrow, then this might just be my last chance.

I'm rambling through a script in my head, trying to decide which casually greeting I should go with. But the words completely fall out of my mouth when I see who's on guard. Her feet casually propped up on the control center.

Shit...she's going to kill me.

"You have some balls Connors." Nat says as she brings her feet down, turning in her chair while giving me a disapproving look.

"What are you doing here?" I ask. All the agents we have in this facility and Nat is the one that gets stuck on guard duty for the night?

"No." she says. "Out of the two of us, you being here is the most surprising. That question is for you to answer."

I turn away from her, my gaze wandering to the window and down to the holding cell. There, seated on his bed with his head in his hand, is Loki.

"I needed to see him." I say, my eyes locked on him. I don't know if it's guilt or just pain that has him sulking, but he doesn't look good. Part of me wants to think that it's remorse over how he treated me. But realistically I know it's mostly because of how badly I broke him.