Next In Line

Chapter 3: Let's Get It Started (Mwahaha!)

The twins' routine had been pretty static ever since they ascended to the heavens, a voyage they were surprised to have taken, given the inexcusable things they'd done on earth. Day after day they'd wake and freshen up, and then at their mother's behest, go out into town and stir up some trouble until they got bored. But thankfully they'd have evenings to chill, and once in a blue moon, they'd even be given the whole day to do so. Katherine had suggested that the twins do some nighttime crime sprees, but to hell with that.

Days after their interesting discovery, the twins kept a low profile within Seymour Manor. Mike Jr. spent his whole day video gaming in his room and cramming his face with heaps of diverse leftovers he'd glommed from the fridge, not bothering to reheat any of them. Had he done so while he was still alive, he probably would've gotten an earful from his sister about the bacterial risk, but that was just one of the perks of being dead.

"Whoo man, I can't believe I slept on this game for so long!" Mike Jr. mused, jackhammering the buttons on his controller. "I don't think there're any other chicks who have guns built into their high-heels! ...well, except maybe Lauren Boebert."

"Junior!" Josephine's voice rang in through the closed door, increasing in volume as the syllable became taffy in her larynx. She didn't hesitate to barge into the room, holding a basket of monochromatic laundry.

"Geez, could you be more shrill? And more conscious about knocking? Heh, and I thought I was rude..."

"Shut up! After that stunt you pulled, you don't deserve common courtesy!"

"And what oh so terrible thing did I do this time?" Mike Jr. rolled his eyes as he paused the game. At this point, he was completely numb to his twin's scolding and rants.

"You had the nerve to throw your red gym shorts in with my denim load, and now it's all purple!" Josephine snarled, holding up a violet pair of jeans. "Props for partially dodging a cliché, but I'm afraid that won't save you!"

"Now now, don't let's be hasty. All your brother was trying to do was get some evil in for the day," Katherine interjected, strolling into the room as well.

"You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Yeah, sis. I was just trying to do something bad," Mike Jr. smirked, knowing his words were untrue.

"Plus, it was an act of mutiny, so kudos on that," Katherine continued. "Now I say you two have lazed around enough today. Time for some more misdeeds!"

"Aw, really? But I'm sick of doing those."

"Doesn't matter. If you two don't brush up on being bad, then how can you expect to be ready for what lies ahead?"

"What do you mean 'what lies' ahead'?" Josephine cocked an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Hey, I'm a villain. I don't give straight answers," Katherine turned back to the door, starting to head out. "Now run along and do something. I don't care if it's robbing a weed farm, pushing elders down flights of stairs, or just prank-calling people. Get to it before dinner!"

With that, she closed the door, leaving the room bathed in silence for a bit.

"Sheesh, I thought she'd never shut her trap," Josephine scowled, folding her arms.

"So, uh, prank calling it is, I guess?" Mike Jr. shrugged, putting his game console in sleep mode.

"Fine, but not in here. I'm struggling not to gag from the smell of cold Moroccan food."

Over in the living room, the twins sat in armchairs on either side of a small table containing a landline, one of many outdated forms of technology that were ubiquitous throughout the afterlife. Mike Jr. took his turn dialing a number, pulling from a phonebook that covered nearly half the state. Answering the phone was an aging Russian male, who was busy dusting a fancy foyer before he was interrupted.