Running Towards the Light

Chapter 4 - Midnight Talks

It seemed I was doing a lot of thinking lately. Even Sam and Spencer were teasing me tonight at dinner at how much I have just been cooped up in my room drawing and thinking or doing something else, but always thinking.

The twins followed me around for about half an hour before dinner just imitating me and laughing to themselves. Sam and Spencer can get on each others nerves, but when they're buds there's hell to pay for the rest of us.

Tonight was no different. As I sat on the roof the wind whipping, causing me to shiver. I hugged my legs to my chest a little harder, the soft fabric of my plaid pajama pants warming my body slightly.

My arms were covered in goosebumps seeing as I was stupid and decided not to put on a sweatshirt when I climbed out the window and onto the roof.

If you go out my window you can stand on the window ledge and hoist yourself up onto the roof. When I was younger and I tried going out the window for the first time I fell off seeing as I wasn't strong enough to pull myself up and the window ledge is always slippery. I ended up being able to grab onto the window ledge as I was falling and called out for one of my brothers to come rescue me. By the time they heard me though I had been out there for a while and was just about to slip.

I was scared of going onto the roof for a while especially after Chris and I had a 'talk,' which was more of him yelling, me crying. But I was seven, so my big brother yelling at me was the scariest thing in the world.

Nonetheless, after a while I tried again and haven't stopped since.

I know I can do the same thinking in the safety of my room, but why do that when I can sit on the roof? The air, the height, the stars, the wind, the coldness, everything I love about the roof. I can't explain it but it makes me feel free.

I also love stars. I hate school and studying and all of those things but stars, I love and I actually do know a lot about them.

Everyone can see stars from around the world no matter if it's their best or worst day of their lives. Everyone is always looking at the same sky. That reminds me that everything can be okay, that I'll be okay.

And sitting up that high and under the sky I feel so happy.

Like ... nothing can touch me.

Freeing.

Like I'm free.

Free from life and from stress and from being scared and afraid and free of having to be someone I'm not.

Free.

I smiled towards myself as I realized how much I loved to be out on the roof. Although I tackled the hard things that go on in my head up here, I loved it.

Cameron

The name came tackling back into my head crushing my fantasy of being up here.

Dylan

Another wave hit me. Another one of my brothers, once again causing a burden on me.

Cameron. I had to decide what to do about his secret but I just didn't know yet. Which in itself caused a lot of stress to nestle inside of me.

Dylan. I don't even know why I'm bothered by him being gone, I just am. I called him a couple times since he left but he hasn't picked up. Not even responded to my texts.

Could Cameron get in trouble?

I know that Chris would get Cam in trouble but would the police? I would think yes. I mean, it's not illegal here to be in a gang.

Is Cam even in the gang?

Maybe, he's just doing favors for them. Sometimes some of my brothers will do little odd jobs or favors for gangs to get money or other things in exchange. Cameron did say that he was doing this to protect us, so maybe he's doing jobs in order to gain protection. If he is doing jobs in the first place.