Like Seeing Stars

9.

As his voice crumbles into pieces, he focuses on the road in front of him, and ignores the hot tears that leave trails on his face. Best to get it out now. Jasmine is the only one of his friends he's willing to feel this exposed before, naked. Grieving.

"Jesse," her voice is a whisper, her hand goes from his shoulder to his hair. The intimacy of their friendship has always brought him comfort but right now... It makes it so much worse.

The breath-taking pain in his chest leaves him to wonder if he should be driving at all.

"You found out today," her voice breaks, too, and all he can do is nod in response, "and your dumb ass went to work anyway," he scoffs, and she giggles lightly, "I don't know what to say, Jess, except that I've got you, babe. I always will."

Another nod.

Passenger and driver fall into silence. As he drives, he tries to allow his mind to wander, all paths open with the occasional roadblock to keep his emotions at bay. Occasionally, he glances over to his companion. Golden eyes sparkle in the dying sunlight as she plays with a coiled lock of dark blonde hair. Tear tracks mark her face like tiger stripes. A snapshot forms in his brain. The last thing he wants to forget is the face of his best friend, a friend he's known since he was in second grade, a friend who will now be forever seventeen.

How melodramatic, he thinks. If his twin could hear his thoughts, she would laugh in his face and smack him hard.

"You should look at the road, you know," Jazz sits up quickly and grabs the wheel, saving his tires from the curb. "I mean, I know this face is hard to resist and all but... Holy shit." She checks her phone as Jesse glances to his car clock. "We've got to get to Patty's before they call search and rescue on us."

They should've been at their friend's house an hour ago, he's honestly surprised it's been so long.

"I'm shocked he hasn't blown up our phones yet," Jesse taps the phone on his dash to reveal more than a dozen silenced notifications, "oh, that explains it..."

"Since when do you silence your phone?"

"Since Mom started texting me the second, we parted ways after my appointment today. Then my dad, then my grandmother, then some aunts and uncles, and the list goes on..."

"Ooh, I didn't even think about that," she says softly. "By the way, are you going to tell... you know, her?"

Instantly, Jesse's jaw tightens. Until now, the thought of her hadn't crossed his mind. Not that she should even be considered in the shit storm that's about to become his life. After what she did, he doesn't owe her anything.

"She's been asking about you," Jasmine continues carefully.

"She chose this! Jasmine—" his words are so sharp even he has to recoil, "I'm sorry, I just—I have nothing extra to give. I already feel empty, and I've only told my siblings and my bestie. Tonight... I've never dreaded being around the guys but if I'm being honest, I think I'm going to puke."

"No, you're right. I shouldn't have even mentioned her. I guess I just—" her voice breaks again and this time it doesn't come back.

Defeat is the only way he could possibly describe the ache in his bones, the exhaustion. A year long fight and he still lost. Not only did he lose but his army did, too, and he must be the one to deliver the news.

Jasmine's hand slides into his and they hold onto each other, grieving a loss that is yet to come.

"Hold up." Her hand disappears from his a few minutes out from Patrick's house before taking his phone from its stand. "We've got to change this vibe before we get there."