Random Joke Stories

TarQ [Splatoon 2]

Metro (TarQ) - PART 1

I shifted to my CQ form and climbed up the wall. Another job is done. I wonder how much Tartar will pay me for this if I also Sanitize this one... 

Oh well. The more soldiers, the better. I slid back down the wall, pulled out the syringe, and plunged it into the Inkling's arm, bringing him back to life. Well, sort of. He's Sanitized now.

Okay, I should explain.

My name is CQ cumber. I'm one of Tartar's first lifeforms, or #1. Tartar doesn't give his lifeforms names, but I was the first one created. Normal ink + Thick Sanitized ink = Lifeform #1. Or, a sea cucumber that can switch to any shape it wants. Normally, I don't show the test subjects much of what I can do. Wall-slithering, squishing, and minor stretching, but I don't show them for long. I have a "normal" shape, the shape of a sea cucumber. Kind of like how cephalopods have a Squid, Octo, or Cuttlefish (Yes, they exist. But they prefer to keep themselves hidden) form. 

But lately, Tartar's been experimenting with Inkling Sanitization. Experiment 3 (Trying to Sanitize Agent Three) didn't turn out so well, but now Tartar's downloaded himself into a stronger body. So back to the labs it is! 

I've been sent on many missions to...permanently splat, or even Sanitize some cephalopods that know about Kamabo and could possibly be a threat, so I sneak into Inkopolis and...

Well, you know.

I'm the perfect sea cucumber for the job. I enjoyed pressing the button that splatted test subjects, and even more so when I saw that they had almost completed the test. I enjoyed watching 8-balls endlessly fall into the void, and even though it's not in use, the remote with the red detonate button is my most prized possession.

But where was I? Oh yeah. I dragged the Sanitized Inkling back to Tartar's lab and threw him in a vat of Sanitized ink. He would be found, trained, and put with the rest of the soldiers soon. 

I saw Tartar behind me. "Hello, CQ," he said. "Oh, hello Commander Tartar!" I greeted him. He sent me some CQ points. "Well done. You will be the best employee in no time," he said with no expression. "But actually...I've been planning something for a while. I'll fill you in later. Goodbye."

And so I walked away. 

But that's when it happened. 

If I had taken one more step, I wouldn't have been able to hear Tartar.

But I heard it. 

And what he said was...

Very...unexpected.

"Wanna go on a date?"