✓ laundry boy | yang jungwon

43: is

i smiled as well, going back in my room to get my messily folded clothes that i had worn when i arrived. i placed it in her arms, watching her walk away while waving goodbye.

i saw heeseung as well, he put his hand up and waved subtly. he mouthed, "miss you."

the smile on my face slowly faded, now melancholic because of how much i missed the both of them.

i quickly forced a smile on my face and waved once more, "i'll be out soon! wait for me, okay?"

they both nodded, hisano waved widely, "i'll wait till the day i die." she laughed, staring at me from afar with a genuine smile on her face.

once her figure got smaller, and the more she got distant, my eyes fogged up in blur.

i realized that tears were filling my eyes. i quickly wiped them away before they could fall.

that whole time, my heart felt like it was being stabbed, and twisted. i winced in pain afterwards but still tried to keep my composure.

what's weird was that, i didn't even notice until now.

she always suppressed that painful feeling, and i wouldn't even realize.

as i turned to take a step back into my room, i suddenly stopped.

not because i wanted to, but because i physically couldn't move anymore.

then and there, is when i collapsed.

i met the cold floor, my cheek against it. my brows furrowed in pain until i couldn't make any type of facial expression anymore. i guess it was because my whole body was too tired.

i didn't know what happened after that. it slowly went black, everything...

i heard the voices of people starting to get loud. they were louder than usual. it sounded like they were panicking.

if i was dying, then i wouldn't mind so much anymore.

the feeling of dying wasn't so bad. it was quite peaceful, actually.

well, i mean, if this is what dying is.

jumping off that bridge would probably be better. seeing her as my last sight would be a dream.

there's still so many things i wanted to do with her. she told me she wanted to have all her first's and last's with me.

if i'm gone, who'll do them for her?

if not me, then who?

i wanted to be the one for her, forever. i wanted everything to be just us two, in this shitty world as we made the best out of it.

she saved me. she saved me so many times and sometimes i didn't even recognize it.

i know i said i didn't want her to save me this time, but maybe that was all a lie.

because deep down, i hoped that she could turn back and come chasing after me like she always did.

i wish she could yell at me one more time, get so worried as if she was my mother. i wish she'd scold me for being so 'careless'.

if i was dying right now, and if i could change my death,

then i'd want to hear hisano's voice.

i'd want her touch, the feeling of her arms wrapped around me, embracing me in her warmth.

i'd want to look at her, until my vision goes away.

if i only had a little bit more time,

then i'd just want her to hold me for a bit longer.

because,

hisano is so precious to me.

the noises of doctors rushing into the room slowly got quieter, the loud yelling for assistance began fading away,

until i couldn't hear a single thing anymore.

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"even as i put all my trust into hope, and fate,

life still decided to turn it's back on me."

♡