By Sin We Fall

Chapter Fourteen

"So what is this place?" "I found it when I was younger, searching for trouble as always. From what I heard it was meant to be a multi level bridge, many events pursued and this place was abandoned, in turn, mine. Been coming here ever since." I tried to imagine what it would be like to have this city as your playground. I sat down finding an off brand soda in the cooler. Sitting down on the adjacent chair looking out, the heavens did come through and let down an angry downpour that had the river muddled with raindrops. The sound was loud but the little alcove we found ourselves in was quiet, echoing our voices. Cooler air blew through the steel openings. Amo gave me a bright yellow construction jacket to keep warm, I looked at it weirdly but didn't ask questions about it. "It kind of feels like we're a newly engaged couple, just moving to the city, you know? All doe-eyed and optimistic about the relationship, about the move even though we got a crappy apartment... that leaks," I said with a pointed glare to the water slowly trickling into a concerningly larger and larger puddle. "Hell with this view this place is prime New York real estate. It's a great apartment, stop shitting on it." I shrugged, "equipped with a top notch golf simulator too." Amos' phone beeped again but he seemed intent on ignoring it. Still looking out to the view, not being disturbed. I was very well aware of it, finding the situation unlike him. "How did your date go?'' I asked in the silence, regarding our last conversation we had on the phone. He still didn't answer. "Did she know how to use all her utensils? I mean I think that's a very impressive trait, a great attribute to have. Your kids will be underwhelmed eating cheerios from a spoon. I mean I carry around a bamboo spork that's like tree utensils in one-" "I'm not seeing Loretta anymore, it has been decided, I'm marrying Angelica," he cut me off. "Oh, what is she like?" I asked, my voice a bit distant. But I somehow knew the answer to my own question because I had a perfect image of her in my mind. Having all the features I felt I was lacking in. Tall, stoic, unaffected by others, they would look like a royal couple together, ascending the throne with a gleaming presence. "I don't know, haven't met her," he said, ruining my fairytale image with the bland tone he said it with. "You haven't met her? How do you know you want to marry her if you haven't even met her?!" "I will marry her either way so there's no use in wasting time thinking about it." I gave him a horrified look. "I know, your opinions are numerous and impossible to keep to yourself but with this you cannot understand. This is not part of your world or your life. This is something that even goes beyond me so save the lecture." "No, I understand perfectly more than anyone probably. You were right that night at the gym, I don't know how to be anything but obedient with my family. I mean I try but I'm stuck in their view of who I was. And you, that's what you're doing, putting down your own personal needs in the means of others expectation and trust me I know that better than anyone! I try to be true to myself but I can't, I'm stuck and for once I thought you were better than that. I thought you were actually free to choose, free to be yourself." My long winded sentence ended and I was expecting the worst. A burst of rage accompanied by cursing at me that I didn't know what I was talking about and to stay out of his business. Instead I saw something serious flicker on his face. Getting out of his chair looking out again to the view and then facing me. "You talk like you know me, you only know a fraction of my life and that tiny part has nothing to do with the rest of it. I'm bound by my family not by expectations but by something bigger. The things I do affects everybody around me, people I'm meant to protect and sometimes I need to be mature enough to know that my own desires are inconsequential to the bigger picture. I told you, these streets own me and at the end of the day that's what is true." "But you're the king of those streets and a king makes his own rules!" "The rules must abide with the kingdom or I will lose everything, lead a revolt against me." "That's bullshit Amo and you know it!" I stood up in my rage. "Nobody should make you marry someone you don't know!" I never cursed out loud but it came out effortless in my anger. Anger about what? This wasn't my life but still it made me furious that he was accepting this. He smiled covertly, "I'll do anything to get the throne and this is part of it." "You don't have to oblige by others stupid ideas to get there! A true king knows his birthright no matter what." "I'm not going to defend my choices to you. I've come to terms with this a long time ago and so should you." "I'm disappointed in you." "Your always disappointed with me." "No I'm not. Im disappointed that you settle for so much less than what you can be. I mean, really Amo, you are amazing and that's hard for me to say but really you can be so much more than this!" We were standing so close but he never felt more distant from me. His reply was cold, "I'm sincere of your reaction for me but I know this is something I need to do. Maybe you should concentrate less on others life choices and more about your own questionable decisions. You need to stop wasting your time with me. Or else you're just going to continue to live in disappointed. Stop hoping I will become anything else. You should be investing your time with someone you're actually going places with, someone you can reminisce about the past. All I will be then is a stupid mistake you made, too shameful to share it with anybody. All these moments will be lost and you'll never regain lost time. Don't waste anymore with me, find someone a little less fucked up." I looked to the side, pursing my lips so I didn't go into another heated tangent. "Tell me the truth-" "-do you really want the truth or do you want more lies? Because there is very little in this space that is true." "I don't want the lies," I seethed, "I want the freedom that lies within this." "Then we'll be condemned to live in oblivion. Get used to it. I'm getting married and you'll go back home to be the good daughter your family expects. Soon you'll forget about any of this and instead focus on the things that actually matter to you." "But you matter to me," which surprised me because it felt true to my lips. Amo turned back to the view. "We should get going, the rain is passing."