It takes two | Sirius Black

7.

Sirius' breath hitched as he came into his bedsheets, "Fucks sake."

He was so sexually frustrated, he'd never gone this long without sex. Masterbating to memories of Kate was killing him, but he had vowed to prove himself. He could easily find a willing girl but that wouldn't be worth it in the long run. Kate didn't trust him completely yet, she was getting there though and screwing another girl would jeopardise it. Even if Kate did trust him he knew he wouldn't be touching her whilst she's pregnant. He was too scared of poking the baby.

"Finished eh, Pads?" Remus calls from his own bed, "Remember the silencing charm next time."

"Fucks sake!" James fake moaned, laughing to himself.

"Why were you listening you bunch of pervs?" Sirius hits back rolling his eyes.

"Why don't you just shag Kate?" Pete asks suddenly.

James laughs harder, "She won't go near him."

"She doesn't trust him yet but I'm sure she will soon." Remus sighs.

"I'm not having sex with her until the baby is born anyway." Sirius says matter of factly.

James smacks his leg in hysterics, "You're going to die before you get laid again."

"You'll die a virgin,Potter." Sirius retorts, opening his curtains.

"You're really going to go that long without sex?" Pete stares at Sirius in disbelief.

"Yeah it's only 10 weeks then the baby is here." He nods confidently, "I can do it."

"More like 18 weeeks." Remus mumbles under his breath.

Sirius scoffs, "I think I know when my own son is arriving, Moony."

"She's needs at least 8 weeks to recover from squeezing his fat head out of her vagina." Remus responds bluntly.

"God help poor Kate if he ends up with your fat head." James says his eyes widening in horror.

"I'd just fuck her now whilst she's pregnant. Safest option. She can't get pregnant again for one." Pete mutters, nodding to himself impressed with his own logic.

Sirius frowns running his hands through his hair, "I can't!! I'll poke the baby?"

Remus and James exchange hysterical glances before James stands to his feet laughing so hard he starts stamping his feet. Sirius is sort of worried by his reaction. He looks as though he's going to blow or stomp a hole in the wooden floor. Even Pete is laughing at Sirius and he isn't quite sure why.

"I know you think highly of yourself Pads but your dick ain't going to poke the baby." James snorts, holding his side from laughing too hard.

"Sure it will!" Sirius replies, "It goes very deep-"

"Pads, have you looked into any pregnancy books or anything?" Remus asks trying to be helpful but failing at hiding his smirk.

Sirius blinks dumbfounded. He actually hadn't read a single book about pregnancy or what to expect when the baby was born. James raises his eyebrows in his judgemental Potter way.

"How were you planning on raising the baby?"

"I erm.. was just going to wing it and hope for the best really.."