The Woman at The End of The World. (Daryl Dixon)

thirtythree.

I'm leaning against the wall in an abandoned house. Michonne lingers in the space next to Rick. My blue eyes find him, his face is painted with small white band aid's. From my understanding, Rosita had come in to patch him up while he was unconscious. After visiting with his father, Carl brought Judith over, spending the night in my extra bedroom. I had woken up through the night to care for her so Carl could rest. I eventually laid her down next to me, so she wouldn't wake her older brother. Abraham stands next to me, Carol positions herself across from me with Glenn at her side.

I remember how uncomfortable these meetings use to make me. At the time, I felt like an imposter among the group. I don't think I planned on sticking around. Yet here I am years later, in a new setting. Now, it feels like these family gatherings happen every other day. I'm not even going to lie; I miss that fucking farm. We've lost so much since then. A little piece of me even suggests that I might slightly miss Shane. I peer over at Rick, studying him. Shane was who Rick is now in some twisted way. Curiously, I wonder what he'd think of the progress his old partner has made. I see some of his points make sense now. Shane was built and ready for this. The rest of us just needed to grow into it. 

I just don't like the idea of any good morals any of us have left are starting to come into question. While our darkness takes over. Even I killed living breathing humans. One was because he shot my leg since I had my hand in taking down their leader. Before this, I don't think I would've believed I was capable of such a thing. 

Did Shane go about things wrong? Sure. Would he agree with Rick in this moment? Maybe. Probably. As much as I had forgiven him and seeing the memories in a new perspective, that thought sits in my stomach uncomfortably. I anxiously chew on my fingers. 

Glenn's voice drags my attention back to the conversation. "Deanna's planning to have a meeting tonight. For anyone who wants to."

"To kick Rick out?" Abraham questions quietly.

I clear my throat, "I imagine that she's going to try. But I don't see it working in her favor." I'm half surprised my head isn't on the chopping block. "She'd lose all of us, then die if something happens without us here to help them defend the community. They need to be taught how to fight and defend their home."

Glenn shrugs, "we don't know that. Maggie's with Deanna right now. She's gonna find out what it is."

"At the meeting, you say you were worried about someone being abused and no one was doing anything about it. You say you took a gun just to be sure that Jessie was safe from a man who wound up attacking you. You say you'll do whatever you want them to. Just tell them a story that they want to hear. It's what I've been doing since I got here." Carol faces Rick, authority dripping into her sweet voice.

I cock my head at her. She's changed, too. They all have. Though, I'm not sure if I am still the girl they saved. Sure, my mouth is still here, bringing it's out of pocket commentary every time I turn around. Maybe, I'm more of a potty mouth warrior now. 

"Why?" Michonne inquires.

"Because these people are children and children like stories."

"What happens after all the nice words, and they still try to kick him out?" Old Abe challenges the plan Carol is spinning.

"They're guarding the armory now." Glenn adds.

Carol shakes her head. "We still have knives. That's all we'll need against them."

I chuckle, "I don't like this. These people save us, now look at us. I don't know firsthand what ya'll dealt with out there. But fuck, Rick is giving Shane 2.0 vibes." I turn to the man in question, "you remember him? He had the same ideas as you do now. Here's a crazy one, let's talk it out. Let me bring back my previous thought, let's fucking teach them."