you are in love · luke hemmings

xvii

Luke didn't know how he was supposed to feel, at first.

He didn't know if he was supposed to cry or be mad. He was just confused, mostly.

Luke never really cried. Maybe once in a while. He read online everywhere that he was supposed to be in touch with his emotions because he was a Cancer, but he never found that to be true.

On Sunday, when he was lying in bed, after doing nothing all day, he let a tear or two slip. It had kind of set in. That he may have lost the only girl on earth he wanted. And he didn't even know why.

And the words kept repeating in his head. I think we made a mistake. He tried to push them away, but they came back every time.

Sunday was his day to feel bad for himself. Then, for the rest of the week, Luke was just angry. And moody.

His friends noticed, too. Even Mason (who usually wasn't paying enough attention to realize these things.)

"Are you okay, man?" He asked at school one day. "You're acting weird."

"I'm fine," Luke deadpanned.

Mason stared at him for a few seconds, analyzing him. "This better not be about that girl you're not even dating."

Luke huffed and walked away. He didn't have time to entertain that. Mason was being an asshole, but he did have a point. Luke didn't want to hear it.

He didn't want to talk to Calum, either. Because now Calum was this weird middle man between him and Cierra, instead of just being his best friend.

And then on Wednesday, Cierra called him. He looked at his phone, and how it continued to buzz in his hand. His contact picture for her came up, a picture of the two of them. He stared at it until it finally went away when the call went to his voicemail.

He briefly considered picking up. Because although he was mad, and confused, he missed her more than anything.

Luke didn't really want to hear from her now, though. He felt betrayed by her. Like she had been leading him on. He didn't think Cierra deserved to talk to him yet.

And now that he had gotten to kiss Cierra there was no going back to friends, even though that's apparently what she wanted. Luke could never. It'd be so painful.

So he didn't pick up. And he was even angrier than before.

He hadn't felt this angry in a while.

Luke was never good at managing his anger, and he knew that. He often released his anger in the worst ways possible. Screaming at his mum when she had done nothing wrong. Breaking a vase. Punching a wall. His anger brought out the worst in him.

The difference between normal Luke (chipper, smiling at everyone, just happy to be here Luke) and angry Luke was like day and night. They were different people.

He was already being snippy with everyone around him. But he was still boiling over, and he knew the worst was yet to come.

Mason invited him to a party on Friday. He never said yes to an invitation so quickly. He needed an excuse to drink a lot and forget.

Calum came up to him on Friday, too. "Hey man," He said, stopping in front of Luke's locker. "Do you wanna talk?"

He looked at Calum, and his face was filled with both concern and pity. He knew this was coming at some point. If Calum wasn't finding out from him, he was going to find out from Vicky.

"Not really," Luke replied. "I'm sure you've already heard all of it."

Calum looked at the ground. "Well, I'd rather hear it from you than from Cierra..."