panic

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I i just need someone in my life to give it structure I


It's dinner, as usual. Ben is reading. Alison and Luther are giving each other not so discreet looks across the table. Klaus is rolling cigarettes. Vanya looks terrified, and Five is staring pointedly at Reginald. 

I am just trying to exist. 

Hiding behind the sunglasses I am forced to wear. 

Beside me, Five slams his knife into the table. He slams it into the side that I am not sitting on, which I generally appreciate. 

"Number Five?" Reginald inquires without looking up. 

"I have a question." 

"Knowledge is an admirable goal, but you know the rules." He continues. "No talking during mealtimes.You are interrupting Herr Carlson." 

Five spares me the tiniest of glances."I want to time travel."  

"No." 

"But I'm ready." Five tells him. "I've been practicing my spatial jumps, just like you said." He spacial jumps over to where Reginald sits. "See?"

"A spatial jump is trivial when compared with the unknowns of time travel. One is like sliding along the ice, the other is akin to descending blindly into the depths of the freezing water and reappearing as an acorn."

"Well, I don't get it." Five argues. I can tell he's getting impatient. His cheeks are tinted red, hands in his pockets. 

"Hence the reason you're not ready."

"I'm not afraid." Five adds. 

"Fear isn't the issue. The effects it might have on your body, even on your mind, are far too unpredictable. Now, I forbid you to talk about this anymore." 

"I'm sorry," Five mouths to me, before he sprints away. Out the door. Away. 

"Number Five! You haven't been excused! Come back here!" 

And I follow. 

"Five please! Don't go!" I shout after him, my sunglasses falling to the ground beside me. Shattered on the side walk. "Five!" 

"I have to do this, Y/N!" He answer, running backwards. "I have to go! I have to try!" 

"No, you don't!" My lungs scream for air as I run after him. "Please! Please don't leave!" 

"I'll come back," he says. "I promise."  The last words he says before he disappears in a blink of blue light. And just like that he's gone. 

"Y/N!" Reginald actually got up from the table. Stopped listening to Herr Carlson to come after me. "Stop this at once! Five has acted foolish and he's gone now. There's no point in remaining out here." 

My heart is broken. I can feel it in three pieces. But no emotions. It is better to simply exist alone. A lonely being who is not allowed to feel. 

My face is empty, glasses gone. 

And I feel like I'm losing control again. My powers bubble up to the surface, creeping in like a storm, rattling my bones, destroying my mind. This is the worst it's ever been. 

My power is unleashed in a maelstrom of chaos. Fear—spreading around the city in a great mass of darkness. It creeps into everyone slowly, invading their minds. I can feel it growing—feel it slowly tearing people apart. 

There were five hundred deaths that day in New York City alone. It was called the Panic and it affected over ten thousand people. Everyone knew about it. Knew about the girl who killed thousands of people in two seconds. 

Reginald sent me away. It was not safe to live with the other children. I was too dangerous, apparently. 

I had not left the Mental Institution for over 20 years. 

Not until the 24th of March. 

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