Left Outside Alone

19. Burning Violins

My wedding... I dreaded the sound of that... I didn't want to do this, I so didn't want to spend the rest of my life in Cal's confines! But Rebecca was five months old now, and she wouldn't remain a baby for ever... Plus, there were a few signs, some signs that I'd have while I was expecting Rebecca... But it couldn't be... I knew how these things worked now, and other than some dizziness and my getting tired easily, all the rest was the way they were supposed to be. Maybe it was just nervousness... Or the fact that I was forced to take such a big step... I'm sure that that's what it is... One week from now, I'll be officially Mrs. Caledon Hockley... Amelia said that it wasn't so bad, being a Hockley bride, as long as you knew how to handle your husband... If only I knew how to do that!... But Cal was so very strong, I could never... He'd only control me, the more and more...

I had the same nightmare the night before as I had every single night since the sinking... I was once again on the Titanic, holding Jack's hand... But then, Cal appears, holding Rebecca in his arms... He was threatening he'd throw her to the ocean, if I wouldn't marry him... And I had to make the decision quickly, before the ship sank...

"Just think of it, Rose! My father is a very harsh man! I went to visit him on the mines once, he was on his luxurious office, always neat, while his workers, the men who were giving him all that money were all out there, breathing all that smoke and dirt, just for a loaf of bread! I have heard what is going on in Russia, these people are absolutely right to believe that and they have my full support! And look at this huge mansion! None of this would have existed, hadn't my brother created that shipping company and giving work to poor men who end up being a little less poor and with a bad health! Someone had to stand up for them, show them their support! I don't care what people say, I want to help these others, they gave me my future, I want to give them a better life!"

I was paying attention to what he was saying, of course, although I was thinking of something else... Mother would try to talk to me lately, always about the wedding, always about my duties as a good wife... And Amelia, well... She wouldn't talk unless I asked her to. I trusted Amelia a lot, although I still haven't forgiven her for taking Rebecca away from me without asking me first. But she was a mother for way longer than I was, she was currently expecting her fifth child, definitely she was more experienced than me.

I suddenly felt this awful wave of dizziness again. Putting my hand on my head, I soon felt the well-known headache coming rushing back.

"Rose? Is everything all right, do you feel unwell?"

"No... No, I'm fine, thank you."

"You're pale... Let's get you to sit down..."

Holding me protectively, we walked on to find a bench. This wasn't caused out of my nervousness... This was a pregnancy symptom, I knew...

It wasn't very usual for Mrs. Dewitt Bukater to ask for my company, unless it was a great need. I grew suspicious when I noticed how close she had brought her chair to mine, despite going on acting as if she didn't notice. Acknowledging her presence with a smile, I allowed her to say:

"Your sons are such lovely boys! You must be extremely proud of them!"

"We are, thank you! Nathan has some great expectations for them. They will pursue their careers either in politics or in business!"

"That's a lovely and bright future, indeed!" she replied. She then added: ""I do remember your own wedding. It was such a marvellous ceremony, and you looked really beautiful in your gown!"

I had to laugh at the remark. An overwhelming feast, indeed. Neither Nathan's father or mine were afraid of the expenses.

"Though I am sure Rose's wedding will be more widely discussed than mine! In fact, this event has been long overdue!"