Yes, Officer 18+✔️

Chapter 14 High Stakes Checkers✔️

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~~~~Ruth~~~~

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We have been here for three and a half weeks now. Twenty-four entire days. I would have probably lost my mind in the company of anyone else, but Luke and I seem to be growing a little closer every day. We have settled into a routine here inside, but try to take at least an hour or two a day to go outside to explore. I love that time of day, being out in nature with the wind blowing through my hair. It feels so freeing. I feel free, if only for a little while.

Every day I can feel myself changing a bit and getting stronger, both physically and mentally. Not exactly becoming who I used to be, but instead discovering more about who I am and who I want to be. Out here in the mountains, away from the world, I can think more clearly, especially without Ron here to constantly tell me who I should be and what I am and that my thoughts and feelings are invalid. I am also realizing that I like myself and that I can learn to love myself again. Luke is definitely making me see that I do deserve happiness and that I have worth. I still have a long way to go, but slowly, I am getting there.

Carla calls every day, only to update that there is no update. Still tracking down potential leads without much real success. I miss her. I talk to her each time she calls, but we never get more than a couple minutes. It is amazing how close we have become. It is like she has always been here; reality is, I haven't known her long at all, but sometimes in life you meet people and you just instantly know they are supposed to be in your life, that they for whatever reason hold a piece of you that you didn't even know was missing. She is one of those people.

She is coming on Friday, three days from now, to bring more groceries and other things that we need, and I am really looking forward to her visit.

Luke still hasn't made a move on me other than holding me, giving me quick kisses on the cheek or forehead, and holding my hand while we snuggle in bed. He hasn't even kissed me on the lips again. He has been a perfect gentleman. I am not really sure why it bothers me, but sometimes I find myself wishing that he wasn't. To be blunt, it is starting to piss me off.

I know he doesn't want to make me uncomfortable, but can't he see how much I want him too? I try my best to flirt, but honestly, I am terrible at it. I don't know what the hell I am doing, and I just end up embarrassed. He thinks that it is cute, but I just want to hide in the bathroom and disappear into the tiles.

I gave up on trying to read, mostly because Luke insisted he read any book that I was interested in first to see if there was anything that he deemed too much for me right now. He is so scared that I will have another panic attack, and he won't know what to do or how to bring me out of it. I actually think it is really sweet, the way he tries to look out for me. I am certainly not used to it and thought it was maybe a little over the top but sweet nonetheless, that is until he deems Howie Mandel's autobiography "too triggering" for me. I still roll my eyes thinking about how worked up he got when I protested.

I laugh now because it is fucking hilarious. I think that was our first "fight". He stormed out on the porch to "cool off", insisting he was only trying to protect me and I was overreacting by getting upset. He spent the next two hours in one of the rockers, peeking at me through the window and trying to look mad whenever I caught him.

Tonight, though, is Tuesday, and sticking to the loose schedule we made up to pass the time means that tonight is game night.

We decide on checkers through a game of, Close your eyes and grab whatever you touch first off the shelf.