The English Rose

The Bella Monologue

Bella pulled her shirt down and turned, finally looking Hermione in the eyes, "don't pity me, Hermione. I've had many years of treatment to come to terms with this. I could go on and on about all the ways he tortured me, my sisters and even little Draco but I won't. Thankfully Andromeda took the first opportunity to get out and Dora never had to fall victim to his torture." She walked over and finally took a seat on the other side of the room, sighing as she did. "Emotional, verbal, physical..." she was ticking off the words on her fingers when her voice dropped with an underlying sadness, "sexual. We all experienced his tirade. There was no escaping it. I suppose mental illness runs in the family. Suffice to say PTSD is something I experienced regularly during my time living there and still to this day, it's not an illness that just stops. Anytime I would hear him coming down the hallway, it would send me running to my sisters to gather them up and make sure they didn't get hurt. I wasn't aware at that time that the years of experiencing this also lead to other underlying mental health issues."

She had stopped talking, hung her head and her breathing had become more labored. "You are safe here, Bella. Please go on."

"The night I set the house on fire was all a blur to me for many years. It was the first time I had an out of body experience. Cissy had given birth to Draco not long before that night. The baby was a few months old at best. Draco had colic so he cried a lot for the first few months that I can recall. One night I was walking back to my room when I heard Cissy begging our father to stop. I don't know what was going on but I heard him say, "you shut this fucking bastard up or I'll shut him up for good," and then what sounded like a slap or a punch and then nothing. The baby stopped making any noises and I heard my sister crying. When father left, I hurried into the room to comfort Cissy and I can't remember anything after that. I guess that was rock bottom for me. I snapped. The rest of the details of that night are fuzzy."

She looked over and saw a stray tear rolling down Hermione's cheek but the brunette didn't interrupt. "So, the story goes that I snapped sometime in the middle of the night and set the house on fire. Before the flames got too out of control, I helped Cissy and Draco make it outside but both my parents died in the fire. Honestly, the world is better off," she shook her head and closed her eyes before continuing praying to whatever god that was listening to keep the brunette open minded. "After that, I was obviously arrested but I was still outside of myself and not experiencing the situation. The cops had me in prison for days or so I'm told before they decided I was incompetent to stand trial. From that moment on, I spent the next twelve years of my life in an inpatient mental health hospital. I would be lying if I said I remembered any of the first 10 years at the hospital. I was catatonic when I went into the hospital from prison so they never got a chance to actually speak with me, they misdiagnosed me with paranoid schizophrenia and over medicated me for 10 years before the government did a rehab on the facility and all new doctors came in," Bella stood up quickly causing the brunette to jerk back which the older woman noted.

"So when the new doctors came in and reevaluated everyone, I was correctly diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder, PTSD and brief periods of Psychosis. Once I was properly medicated and receiving the right kind of psychotherapy, I slowly started to become myself again. Cissy was the first person that I can remember who visited me. I'm sure she came before then but I wasn't fully there. You know," Bella stopped pacing, "she actually thanked me. She said without that night, she thinks father would've killed Draco. It took Andy a little while to come around. I finally got to meet Dora and she's been my favorite person ever since. She gets me," Bella smiled thinking about her niece. "I spent two more years in the hospital before they decided I was okay enough to be released. That was six years ago. I still go to intensive outpatient care once a month. That's why I had been disappearing with Cissy for a week each month. Because of the hearing that happened when I went to hospital, I wasn't allowed to move in with Narcissa. Andy had moved back into our parents home after it was rehabilitated but the house is in my name. So, I moved in with her and Dora. Andy and I have a rocky relationship most of the time though I'm sure her overbearing qualities just means she cares," she shrugged.