Caught Red Handed

Chapter Sixty-Seven, Where's the Baby

After all of the kerfuffle was over, Tord was comfortable settled in a bed with an IV in his arm. I still had the uncomfortable knowledge of knowing what he did to his own body, but not why he did it. He might have been super stressed, or having an episode of some kind. I didn't want to press him on it right now when he had finally calmed down enough to nap. I was slowly rubbing circles on his hand, listening to the background noises set in. I zoned out as my mind swam with worry and stress. Tord needed help. Serious help. But I knew he was too afraid and too in denial to get it. He's so old fashioned that way, acting like mental health doesn't even exist. The room stayed silent minus the machinery's constant buzzing and beeping until the door opened and footsteps approached. "Hey.. Erm.. Tom, I know this isn't a good time of course, but you're missing a big meeting. I don't remember what it was about, your little assistant is so quiet. But anyways.. Erm... That's not why I'm here." Edd babbled on before pulling back the chair beside me and sitting down. He filled up the chair and neatly folded his hands together, looking over at me with his compassionate chocolate eyes. I stared at him from the corner of my eye and waited for him to speak. The air was awkward and had a muddy feeling.

"Listen, Tom, I know that a lot has been going on recently. Well.. A lot has gone on in our lives in general. But I just wanted to ask you really..." He paused and cleared his throat, searching for a way to word his next sentence. "Well, Tom, Do you really think Tord is the person for you? Everything has been going so badly around you two this whole time, and you've got such a terrible history. Do you even really love him?" He spoke unsurely and with guilt, clearly not the type to ask if he wasn't really curious. He must really want to know. I still had Tord's hand in mine, slowly tracing circles with my thumb and feeling his warmth. I stared down at my boyfriend without a reply and shook my head in frustration. I was so tired of life being complicated. I loved him, and that was simple. Feelings aren't complicated until you make them that way. I took a breath and turned my head to the Brit who was nervously fidgeting. He was very uncomfortable asking those questions in the first place, it seemed. But I was confident of my answer.

"I do love him. Maybe I didn't always love him, but that's good. And maybe I'm just confused and mistaking it for some other feelings that are like love. I wouldn't know because I've never done this before. But I love him as far as I know, and that's good enough for me. We're happy and that's all that matters." I said and then took a breath. What a long way to say "I love him and that's it". Edd seemed to have mixed emotions about my statement but nodded. "I'll be honest with you Tom, I asked because I've been trying to be with you for a long time. But I'm glad you found someone who you're happy with, and I'll respect that. But I guess I'm also that weird second option if anything goes wrong, which I hope it doesn't. So um.. Yeah." He said and awkwardly rubbed the back of his head. It took me a moment to process what he had said, but I soon understood. He loved me all this time. I can't imagine how terrible of a let down that is on his end. I wordlessly replied by giving him a gentle hug. He's such a sweetheart, maybe a little crazy but he doesn't deserve this.

"I'm sorry Edd. Not for my relationship of course... Just that I didn't realize it sooner." I said solemnly and felt Edd's loose grip on the soft material of my jacket. "It's okay Tom..." He whispered barely loud enough for me to hear. It sounded like he was holding back tears. I began gently rubbing his back and had to pull the taller boy into my lap. It was a bit awkward, but I don't think he minded in the moment. "It's okay to cry Edd.. I'd probably cry too." I admitted and felt his face press against my shoulder. By the feeling of his ragged breathing and slight shaking, I could tell he was silently crying. After a few minutes of him choking on his tears and trying to stay quiet, he stopped crying and just enjoyed my embrace. We didn't get to hug often at all anymore, especially like this, so I understood completely. I was enjoying it as well aside from the crying. "Better?" I asked quietly and he nodded, still snuggled up to me.

I stopped my hand in place on his back and placed my head on his shoulder. "I love you Tom." He hummed calmly and I closed my eyes. "I love you too Edd. As a friend, and as a sibling more like. But I don't reject your feelings, just your advances." I clarified and he nodded, shifting slightly so that he could look at me. "I think you've changed for the better." He said and smiled softly. He had such a sweet smile that could lighten up any room. "I've always been that way, I just... Needed room to grow." I explained and he nodded. "I'm still proud of you Tom. Very proud." He stated with a wide smile. It made me smile as well. "I'm glad you are. If my mom had more of a human mind she'd probably be proud of me too..." I mentioned a bit off-topic and he nodded quickly. "Of course she would. She's so cool and loving." He said and buried his face in my shoulder once more. I patted his head and chuckled at his shenanigans. He's the best sort of sibling I could ever have. Even if he had romantic feelings for me. "Erm- Edd- did you leave Matt in charge of the meeting with my assistants?" I asked and Edd's head shot up like he had just heard guns. "Oh shit-! Erm- See you later-!!" He exclaimed before launching himself off of me and out the door. I laughed and smiled warmly. That man always knows how to cheer me up. I returned my loving gaze to Tord's sleeping body and reached out to his hand, beginning the whole ordeal again. Getting lost in the background noise. My thumb slowly massaging his hand while I think. But now I knew more than ever that I loved him for sure.

Never answered the title, did I spagette123