He hated me. Of course he did. There was no way he'd love me, not after what I had done. I had just been kidding myself, that I'd reveal to him that I had been Beatrice and he'd admit he was as madly in love with me as he had been with Beatrice. It had just been a false hope, a lie, and it served me right we hadn't spoken in months.
I couldn't tell if I regretted it. I regretted that we weren't friends anymore, of course. I missed him. But I wasn't certain if I regretted having lied to him. I regretted lying, yes, but I didn't regret the moments we had together. I just regretted how it had all ended.
With a sigh, I walked into my living room, thumbing through the vinyls arranged neatly on my shelf, finally picking out Eli and the Thirteenth Confession. Shaking my head, I carefully pulled the record from the sleeve, setting it on the turntable and dropping the needle. As the music started, I cranked up the volume as loud as possible, hoping it would be enough to drown out my thoughts.
I flopped onto the couch, staring up at the ceiling, tracing the lights and shadows cast there with my eyes. The break was going to be even worse than usual, but at least I had long since cried out any tears I had left inside me. Closing my eyes, I tried to just melt away into the music and forget everything else.
There was a loud knock on the door and I frowned, sitting up. It wouldn't be Ace or Peter, and it sure as hell wouldn't be Gene. Maybe it was my neighbor, coming to tell me that I was being too loud. Heaving a sigh, I sat up, stretching for a moment before reaching over and shutting off my stereo, walking to the front door and pulling it open, rubbing my temples in exasperation.
"Look I'm sorry I'll keep the music down, I--oh!"
Gene gave me a thin smile, hands stuffed in his pockets as he shifted almost uneasily from foot to foot.
"Hey," he said after a pause.
I blinked, overwhelmed, before swallowing the lump rising in my throat. "Um...hey. Did you...want to come in?" I asked, treading on eggshells. I didn't want to risk making the wrong move and upsetting him again, sending him right back to hating me.
"Sure," he said, and I cleared my throat, taking a step back and holding the door open for him.
He walked in, standing just inside the doorway, hands still stuffed in his pockets. I cleared my throat again, just desperate to break the awkward silence between us, so thick it felt suffocating.
"So uh...did-did you want to talk or something? Or did you want to...I dunno, do something? I just uh...well uh...what did you want?" I stammered, running a shaking hand through my hair, trying desperately to act calm and collected despite being the complete opposite.
"We need to talk," he said, dark eyes roving over my face, and I bit down on my lip.
"About...what?" I asked in a small voice, and the corners of his lips twitched up ever so slightly into a warm smile, his eyes soft.
"About us."
~End~
