With a sigh, I looked at the two bottles of pills sitting on the tabletop in front of me. There was a very high chance I had just gotten scammed out of $2,000 and I was almost embarrassed that I was so desperate I was willing to take that risk. No, scratch that, I was fucking humiliated I had stooped to that level. If she had asked me to grovel on my hands and knees in front of her in order to get the pills, I probably would have.
I definitely would have.
That was how much I wanted this, even though no one had any idea. That was how far I was willing to go.
"Cripes, Paul," I muttered, running my hands through my hair, leaning back in my chair with a sigh. "You've gotten yourself into a real mess now."
Shaking my head, I rose to my feet, picking up the bottles and carrying them to my bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet above the sink, pushing aside all the bottles that were already in there.
Allergy medication, painkillers, pills that promised me I'd lose weight, other ones that insisted I'd burn fat, still another bottle that swore up and down I'd build muscle, throat lozenges, cold medication, flu medication, the latest medication my psychiatrist had recommended me, the three older medications he had stopped recommending me that I was too afraid to get rid of, all of those got pushed to the side as I added the new bottles, tucking them away in the back before rebuilding the wall of prescriptions in front of them.
Satisfied that they were hidden from view, I shut the cabinet, looking at my reflection in the mirror attached to the front. A frown pulled the corners of my lips down, adding more wrinkles to my face, and I sighed, running my thumbs along my jawline.
"I need to shave," I said to myself, as if the small bits of stubble on my face would somehow be enough to distract me from everything I hated about my reflection.
At the very least, the frown hid my ever so slightly crooked front teeth. They were just wonky enough to be noticeable, and I most certainly noticed it. They needed to be whitened, too.
Again.
There were a million things I needed to do in order to get ready for the tour we had coming up, but I had a month. I had a bit of time before the never-ending routine picked back up.
I managed to tear myself away from studying my reflection to the extent I could've been tested on it by a college professor, walking back to the kitchen and grabbing my grocery list.
Hair Dye
Pursing my lips, I chewed on the end of the pencil, trying to think if I needed to buy anything else. My gaze wandered back to the medicine cabinet, just visible through the open door. A shiver ran down my spine, the hair on the back of my neck standing up, and I quickly looked away.
Nail Polish
Razor
I scribbled down a few more things before deciding I needed to get out of the house before doing anything I regretted, grabbing my wallet and my keys. Switching off the light, I glanced over my shoulder one last time, the mirror of the medicine cabinet reflecting the sunlight that managed to creep in through the half-closed windows.
"Soon," I murmured, soft smile curving my lips.
"Soon."
