"Stupid fucking idiot. The hell were you thinking, huh? Dammit you're going to ruin everything! Of course this is when he's said it, you know what he's like! Cripes Stelmy the hell is wrong with you?!"
I frowned, stirred from my sleep by a thick voice berating itself. Stelmy? Who was Stelmy?
Deciding I had just misheard, I nestled deeper under the warm blankets, just wanting to drift back off to sleep. The sound of very quiet, heavily muffled crying reached my ears and it finally clicked that it was Beatrice who was talking to herself.
Selma, not Stelmy.
I sat up, turning to find her sitting on the edge of the bed, shoulders shaking and her face buried in her hands. Heart starting to pound, I hesitated, unsure what to do, before reaching over and resting a hand on her back.
"Bea? You alright?" I murmured.
She jumped as soon as I touched her, jerking her head to the side, staring at me with wide eyes. They were rimmed red, cheeks blotchy, which meant I had just slept through her crying for awhile like a total asshole.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," she whispered.
"Don't apologize. What's going on? Do you need to talk about something?" I asked, crawling across the mattress so we were sitting beside each other. I rested a hand on her thigh, not in an attempt to be seductive, just in a desperate attempt to comfort her.
"Sorry, it's just..."
She trailed off, chewing on her lip as she swiped at her eyes with a balled fist, sniffling, before she let out a shaking breath and continued to talk. "Just...just um...I just...got a pay cut, at work," she said after a long pause. "Getting demoted hurt a lot more than I realized, I guess."
She was lying, I knew she was. Her gaze was shifty, fingers curling and uncurling as her nails dug into her palms, leaving angry red marks, and she was chewing on her lip so intently I thought she'd draw blood. But she didn't want to tell me, so I didn't want to pry. If she wanted to, if she was comfortable, she'd have opened up.
"I'm sorry," I said, giving her a soft kiss on the cheek. "Here, why don't you go take a nice warm shower? You can borrow some of my pajamas and while you're doing that I'll make you a mug of hot chocolate."
A sad smile spread across her face and she nodded, resting her head on my shoulder. "I'd really like that," she said.
We sat there for awhile longer before I helped her to her feet, gathering up an armful of pajamas for her to borrow before guiding her to the shower. I got dressed as she showered, changing the sheets on the bed, and I noted the few spots of blood on the sheets, letting out a curse. She had been a virgin, then. I couldn't have know, but all the same I felt guilty for not knowing it. I would've treated her like a china doll if she had told me.
I finished up tidying up the bed, heading to the kitchen and making a mug of hot chocolate. A glance at the clock told me it was almost 3 in the morning, and I sighed, pouring the hot chocolate into the mug before heading back to my room. The warmth was soaking through the ceramic, warming my hands, and I set it on the bedside table while I waited for Bea.
A soft sigh escaped my lips as I sat on the bed, alone, the sound of the shower suddenly falling silent. The apartment felt empty and cold, oppressively so, until at last the door creaked open and Bea walked back into the bedroom, practically swimming in my borrowed pajamas. Without a word, she plopped down beside me and began to sip on the hot chocolate I handed to her.
"Thank you," she said after a pause. "You're very kind."
"I'm just trying to treat you like you deserve," I said, but she only gave me a wan smile in response.
"Here, sit back against the pillows, get comfortable," I said, fluffing up the pillows for her and tucking the blankets around her as she sat back in bed.
I sat beside her, putting an arm around her waist and hesitating for a moment before beginning to gently massage her abdomen and thighs. She closed her eyes, leaning against me, and I kissed her on the forehead.
"Everything will work out, I promise," I murmured. "You'll get promoted at work, those ignorant bastards will realize how perfect an employee you are and double your salary."
Bea laughed, snuggling more against my side, keeping her eyes closed. "I don't mind if they don't double my salary. I'm happy being with you and drinking hot cocoa in your bed."
"I'm happy having you here too," I said, continuing to massage her, and she let out a satisfied hum, leaning against me. Her wet hair tickled my cheek, and I could smell the scent of my borrowed shampoo. "Do you need anything else?" I asked after a pause, glancing at her now empty mug. "I can get you more pillows or an extra blanket, or more hot chocolate if you want."
"I'm just fine being with you," she murmured, voice starting to get sleepy, setting the mug aside. "Lie down, will you?"
"Of course," I said, reaching over her to switch off the bedside lamp. Even in the darkness, I could make out the outline of her figure, bundled warmly beneath the blankets and pressed closely against my side. I smiled, kissing her on the cheek, and brushed her damp hair out of her face, keeping my arms around her, moving the massage to her back now.
"Love you," I said after a pause, and I could see her smile in the dark, resting her head on my chest.
"I'm so...so lucky to have you," she said with a yawn.
"I'm the lucky one. Now get some sleep," I said in a soft voice.
It didn't take long for her breathing to level off into a steady, rhythmic sound as she finally dropped off to sleep. I stayed awake for longer though, just watching her, making certain she didn't stir again. I wanted to keep her safe, and make her happy, and protect her from anything and everything that might even dream of hurting her, continuing to murmur sweet nothings to her until I was positive she was asleep, finally letting myself drift off, content with the knowledge that for now at least, I was keeping her safe and happy.
