beauty from pain | R.H

| chapter fifteen |

The first few years of my vampire life weren't easy at all, from the guilt that tore me apart, the hatred I had gained for people in general, both alive and undead, and learning to control my powers.

Drinking blood was the easiest thing for me to learn how to do. Hunting humans down came naturally to me, which was something that my Coven members felt was more like a sport for me than gain sustenance.

I admittedly was the best hunter in my Coven not only for being fast and agile but being about to use my vampiric lure and charm to get willing humans.

However, I began to regret not savoring my last time with human blood. Watching Edward feed off a deer was fun, but the smell of the animal blood was a little off-putting.

It was like going from an all sugar diet to being only able to eat sugar-free stuff.

Bland, I think, was the word.

The last few days have just been settling in with my new family members and getting comfortable with my new surroundings, but I knew that soon I would have to feed, and I pouted at the thought of it.

Even though I had joined in the hunting with the Denali coven, I hadn't actually fed on any animals. I gave my kill to Eva, who seemed upset to hurt animals and was thankful that I did it for her.

I knew my habits were something that both Coven had been worried about. Unlike my home in Canada, which was very rural, Forks was a town with a close community.

Knowing their worries about the possibility of my bloodlust getting bad and turning me on the town only served to make my nervousness worse.

My other anxieties, though, have subsided a lot over my time in the Cullen house, although I wasn't sure if that was due to my own feelings or from the blond male vampire who seemed to be around me a lot.

Jasper wasn't as inconspicuous as he tried to seem, but I also didn't know if he was purposely trying to push my anxiety away or if it was just a happy accident.

I'm pretty sure he also knew why I lingered around him so much, but neither of us said anything when I sat in the same room as him just for a bit of peace.

Even when I sat next to him pretending to read a book, it was only when I began to really read the book I had picked up that I realized it had been upside down the entire time.

Once again, nothing was said, but his slight smirk was enough to know he knew what I was doing.

Standing between Emmett and Jasper as the brooding vampire showed me his feeding style, I smiled as the burly vampire commented on the hunt.

The girls were sat further back, already having eaten and been done with it. I had come to see that the three of them, along with Esme, didn't partake in the fun of hunting like the males in the Coven.

Alice and Amber both did not want to get dirty, Esme didn't like the thought of scaring the animals, and Rosalie just didn't find any pleasure in it.

That's why Emmett and Jasper were so happy to find out that it was something that I wholeheartedly enjoyed. The blond vampire had already explained why he enjoyed hunting and his troubles with vampirism which eased my worry.

My ears pricked as I sensed something big and aggressive out in the woods. I noticed a cougar stalking around the wooded area, seeming on high alert.

It could probably feel the natural danger sensation vampires give off.

"Go for it," Esme whispered in my ear as I lowered my stance, it wasn't a bear, but I knew the cougar would put up a good fight. Springing forward, I heard Emmett cheer behind me about my agility.

Letting the cougar run around for a while as I cut it off from every direction, I couldn't help but think of how much more fun it was to hunt humans before realizing that Edward could hear my thoughts.

I didn't want him to let them know that I was fantasizing about the cougar being a human whose screams were only getting louder as they realized there was no escaping me.

Excitement coursed through me as I bared my teeth. The chase truly was the most thrilling part of the hunt.

Dropping down on the animal, who let out a screeching yelp, I rolled around with it, roughhousing for a moment as Alice let out a tut and commented on my being messy in my nice outfit.

The boys were playing around among themselves as the playfulness I was feeling seemed to be merging over to them. Their fun, brotherly banter was different from what I had seen from my own brothers.

Human and Coven.

I wasn't ready for the emotion coming from Rosalie, and it was probably an emotion that Jasper wasn't prepared for either.

I'm guessing it was from seeing her mate fighting with another predator, but the desire and lust entwined with her own scent made my mouth water in a much different way than my usual bloodlust hunger.

Snapping the heavy animal's neck quickly, I decided to put it (and Jasper) out of misery. I just hoped that Edward wasn't peeking into both of our thoughts right now.

He would be mentally scarred for life.

"Feeding time," Emmett chanted from beside me as he and the other boys stopped playing fighting. I mentally took a deep breath, closing my eyes as I pulled the dead cougar closer to my mouth before taking my first bite.

My eyes sprung open as soon the warm liquid touched my tongue. Dropping the wild cat, I spat the blood out as I shivered. I left my tongue hanging out as the Cullen's crowded around.

I must have looked like a child who wouldn't eat their vegetables as I denied their prompts to try again. Shaking my head, I refused to put my tongue away as it hung out stained with blood.

"I don't wike it," I mumbled with my mouth open, words were hard to pronounce when you talked with your mouth agape, but I wasn't keen on tasting my own tongue at the moment.

A fond smile appeared on Carlisle's face as he tried to soothe my child-like refusal.

Finally closing my mouth, which instantly turned into a pout, I stomped my feet a little as Jasper called me a brat under his breath, but the words came from amusement, not annoyance.

My mate let out a small laugh, which eventually became a full belly chuckle as she curled her arms around her stomach.

The others soon joined in.

Esme gave me a sympathetic smile as she rubbed my back. "That was worse than how Jasper did when he tried it for the first time," she commented as the southern vampire grimaced.

"It gets easier, I promise" He smirked, placing a brotherly hand on my shoulder. He was the only one who really understood why my reaction was so strong.

"Easier?" I repeated in disbelief, "Not it gets better? Just it gets easier. Oh, fantastic" Rosalie giggled at my plight as she pressed a kiss onto my collarbone.

"Maybe we should try again?" Edward commented helpfully, but the smile on his face showed nothing but him trying to help me.

I guess I was the baby of this Coven too, which means teasing was inevitable, especially when the members of this Coven were more playful than the others.

"Yeah, we could go deeper into the woods and find us some bears," the biggest vampire grinned, showing his dimples as he excitedly pounded his fist into his other hand.

Glaring up at him and Edward, I shivered again, remembering the cat's taste at my feet. "I would rather starve."