Heir of Deception

Chapter 28

Della didn't know how much time had passed exactly but Rowan gently rubbed her back all the while. Fenrys must've instructed everyone to stay away since no one had come since he'd left. She'd stopped crying several minutes ago and was now focusing on collecting herself. It was so much work and she hurt both body and heart. It felt like the emotions of months had finally collapsed on her in one great wave.

She missed Annore, Della had been pushing the female out her mind for months, but now that her emotions had boiled over the stark longing was too much. Della was also homesick, while Terrasen was undeniably beautiful there was this feeling that the mountains she grew up in inspired. Della also was tired of being at court, tired of lessons and training and talking to people all the time and tired of having servants, tired of working among politics she just wanted to be alone and feel the quiet for a couple hours. Della was also so tense all the time, life in the castle was exhausting and horrifying and the attack just exacerbated those feelings. Would she ever truly feel safe here? While she felt loved did she feel safe? Was the constant state of terror and anxiety worth it?

Della felt a fresh new bout of tears well in her eyes. She tried her best to reign them in but she was failing. She felt her father shift, drawing away from her and clasping her face in his hands.

"Della," he said swiping a tear from her cheek,"I'll gladly listen if thats what you need. Please, tell me how to help you." She suspected that the need to protect and serve was eating at him. That both his culture and instincts of a Fae male made him feel restless.

Her lip quivered as she said, "I- I am not sure what I need. I just..." she stopped herself. She was about to say she wanted to go home but that wasn't what he needed to hear. And Della wasn't sure that it was what she really wanted. She knew she wanted it now, but a month from now when she was in the middle of the ocean? She saw her father tense, as if bracing himself for the words she'd halted. She looked at him, his eyes the twins to her own, so full of worry and perhaps a little bit of fear. Della steeled herself.

"What I want is to not be so afraid. I want to be successful here and I want you to be proud of me. And I want Aelin and Fenrys and Lysandra and everyone else to be proud of me."

Rowan released a breath she hadn't realized he'd been holding, he folded her back into his arms and gave her a gentle yet firm hug, as if confirming to himself that he wasn't going to lose her. Della reminded herself that just as she was working through her own emotions Rowan was battling his own ghosts.

"Della I am so proud of you, already you are so loved and cared for. You don't have to prove anything to us or anyone else." She drew away from him again, she arched her brow suggesting there were absolutely those out there who she did need to prove herself too. He matched her attitude with his own, "Truly, Della, they can all go to Hel. Damn them all." Rowan took in a steadying breath, as if preparing himself, "Whatever you need Della, anything at all, its yours. What I want for you more than anything is to be safe and happy, and if that isn't going to be here in Orynth then that is okay." She suspected that that last line pained him. But yet, it was perhaps the greatest form of selflessness and expression of love he could offer her, to be okay with letting her go. And it touched her heart deeply but it wasn't what she wanted not really.

Della shook her head. "I am grateful for your generosity, both here and to be willing to extend it across the sea. But I want to be here, I have loved it here and," she took a breath "and I love you and Aelin and I feel loved by you. But I want to be - to be," her voice broke, she knew what he would say, that of course she was worthy of love but Della wasn't someone who believed in unconditional love and surely there were expectations that accompanied being the daughter of the prince and the step-daughter of the queen who had quite literally saved the world .

Rowan, ever attuned to those around him, sensed the loaded pause, the weight behind it. He looked at her, tenderly, lovingly, silently communicating that she didn't have to share what she wasn't ready to. That he would give her the time and space, like he always had and would continue to do.

"Thank you, for always being so patient with me... father," she timidly looked at him, watching for his reaction to her calling him father. It was her first time addressing him as such and she knew that he would notice. But it just felt appropriate now, not just some abstract title he had by default but truly a person who cared for her, that she looked up to and loved. Her father cracked a joyous grin and silver lined his eyes.

He nodded to her, as if overcome with emotion. Della blushed slightly unsure of how to navigate further through such profound emotions. "Is father alright? Or would you prefer papa, or something like that?" she asked hoping to not kill the moment but perhaps lovingly move it along.

"Anything you call me is fine Della." he said.

A strange thought occurred to Della, "Do you like my name?" she asked "Because you didn't get to pick it. Annore told me that she picked it."

At that Rowan through back his head and laughed, "Yes I like your name, I suspect that your mother would've liked it to, I know that your mother and Annore were friends during her pregnancy and so I like to think that she mentioned it as a name she was considering for you."

Della smiled, "I like that thought too. Um do you think that we could invite Annore to Terrasen? I just miss her so much but if it's too much trouble I understand."

"I have already extended an offer, I meant to surprise you for your birthday. She will come this spring."

"Oh! Really! That is the best news!"

Rowan smiled at her enthusiasm, but contrary to his face he said, "Shhshh your throat is still healing, in fact why don't you lie back down to rest."

Della huffed a sigh but complied. Rowan left shortly after getting her settled but he'd stressed that he would only be gone briefly and that if she needed anything at all to ring the bell on her nightstand. But Della dozed off before he'd returned, her heart feeling lighter than it had for a while.

____________________________________

1178 words