It's Still There ✔️

6. Never Love Again

trigger warning for this chapter
<3

Carter looked at me, heartbroken. I couldn’t describe it. His eyes carried pain, humiliation, and dread. But something that wasn’t in those eyes.

Love.

It was like all the love was sucked out of him. I shoved him, to make it seem like I was disgusted with him. But in reality I loved him.

He turned around and walked down the hall. That wasn’t supposed to happen. It was supposed to be us walking down the isles, holding hands. But now, he was walking alone, with no one by his side.

As he walked down, kids threw items at him. They called him words that I could tell hurt him. 

And I did nothing. 

I simply watched as he walked down the hall. 

“Wait until Preacher Greg hears that one of the abominations is in our town.” Patty spat.

“Gavin. I’m sorry he did that to you. You alright?” Ned asked.

No, I wasn’t. I didn’t know why I did that. I had agreed for him to kiss me. I had agreed to come out. He only agreed because I was doing it. And he ended up being backstabbed.

The rest of the day, there were no signs of Carter. But everyone talked about him. How disgusting he was. Some people came up to me giving me their condolences. 

The next day, Carter showed up. I looked at him, but there was nothing on his face. He stayed silent. An occasional tear would roll down his cheek. And when he saw me, hurt was displayed on his face.

The moment the true impact of what I had done hit me was when I witnessed Carter getting milk spilled on him. It was quickly followed by him being dragged on the floor and dumped in a trashcan. The trashcan was then put in the janitor’s closet and locked.

I wanted to get up and do something, but I couldn’t. 

Fourth reason to hate me: I did nothing to end Carter’s suffering.

The same happened on Wednesday and Thursday. I even overheard some kids at one point talk about going to his house and trashing it.

And all I did was sit there.

One minute, Carter and I were sitting next to each other, kissing. The next, we don’t speak as I watch him being tortured.

Wednesday, Carter didn’t show up to the library, where we would usually meet. I wasn’t surprised. Why would he hang out with the person who lied to him? The person who promised to stay on his side. The person who always told him they loved him.

The person he trusted the most.

Friday rolled around. And I witnessed some of the worst things ever.

It started with cold water being poured on Carter. Then his locker was graffitied with slurs. Someone even put a plastic penis on the door with the words ‘Suck This!’ written on it. The inside of his locker was lit on fire. In every class, he was tripped and spat on. During passing period, some shoved him and threw him on the floor. Lunch was when people threw garbage on his table, which was empty. And at the end, it ended when he was thrown rocks. 

I witnessed his face become bruised. I wanted to run over to him and fix his wounds.

But I knew I was the cause of his wounds.

Later that day, my parents were outraged that the school still allows Carter to attend. Ashley had an argument with my dad that day. She argued that the Bible states we should love everyone the same. My father pulled the same excuse, that gays aren’t normal.