Wanderlust - A Felinette Fanfic

Now

Félix returns from Alya and Nino's empty handed. Well, they would be if they weren't stuffed in his pockets. He finds her on the couch and sighs, sitting on the cushion as he looks down at his hands. At his ring. At her ring. And then her face. "Hi," he says softly, his voice low.

Marinette has managed to keep the tears at bay by the time he returned. The sadness has waned, but her hurt remains. She looks up at him, noticing where he looked, and copies him. She hides her hand. "Hi."

He takes a deep breath, fidgeting with his ring on his finger. He finally looks up at her fully, meeting her eyes. "I want to know what's really going on. We can't avoid it any longer."

"Okay," she says, and his eyes draw her in. She can't say no anymore. She's already gotten this far, what's a little more thicket of thorns? A foliage is a foliage after all, and she promised she'll walk through it all. With him. She takes a deep breath. "I... I don't think I'm enough for you. It's not your fault, you make me feel loved enough. It's just- it's me. It's me, Félix."

He looks at her with a sigh and shakes his head. "You're lying to yourself then," he says bluntly. After a moment of silence, he explains himself. "I will love you no matter what. I told you I would in our wedding vows. But it's difficult when you don't bother to tell me what's happening in that beautiful head of yours."

Ah god. She feels the butterflies again. She nets them down, cages them up. "I know," she whispers, and shakes her head. "It's... hard to say. I can't say it. It makes me a bad person, Fé." She calls him by that name again. "I don't want to be a bad person in your eyes."

He looks at her and is a little surprised by the nickname. He misses that name. He shakes his head. "You're not a bad person, Marinette," he whispers, wanting so bad to embrace her. "You'll never be a bad person in my eyes. You've been weak. We all have weaknesses. I only want to help you."

She lets silence sit for a second, and her shoulders rise as she contemplates telling him. She finally does. "It's Camille," she whispers, voice tiny, unwilling to be heard. She hopes he didn't hear. She's not quite ready for his reaction yet. "I can't... love Camille the way I promise. Not yet."

He looks at her in shock for a moment and goes silent. His brow twitches at the confession but he tries to understand. "Oh... wh-why not?" he asks even quieter. She was their daughter. A baby. She didn't even talk. How could she not love her?

"I love her," she fixes almost immediately. She looks up at him, fear in her eyes. "I do. I really do. I just... I resent it. Our circumstances. And it's misdirected. I think," she says. "I don't want to think I resent Camille. I don't." She swallows the lump in her throat. "It's just... too early. And I didn't want to disappoint you. You were so happy, Félix. I didn't want to take that away from you."

His eyes fill with a sort of sadness, as if he was regretting every decision ever. She wasn't happy with their marriage because they had a baby too soon. They can't just get rid of her. She's their baby. He nods, trying to process, to find words. "Oh," he says softly. He takes a deep breath. "Too early. I see... it was... early. Before our big trip, too. I'm sorry, Marinette, I had no idea. I would've tried harder to prevent it... I thought you wanted a family too." He let out a dry laugh, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, I don't- I don't know how to fix this."

The sobs rise and bubble up in her throat again. Her chest tightens. She can't breathe, and she can't see, the tears blurring her vision, streaking down her cheeks endlessly. "I'm sorry, Félix," she whispers, hugging her knees to her chest, shaking her head. "I'm so sorry. I wish I saw things differently. I wish I was happier with the way things turned out. I've been trying to, I promise. I'm just sorry it can't be enough. I'm sorry I hurt you."