𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘

Chapter 14

I snivelled and wiped my face on the sleeve of my school robes, trying to regain some of my composure. "Sorry," I hiccupped.

"That's okay," Harry replied, looking very relieved that I'd stopped sobbing, and glancing around to make sure that I hadn't drawn too much attention. "Look... I really am sorry. I shouldn't have avoided you like that. The thing is, I'm still not entirely sure what to do, and it's so difficult to be around you."

"Because seeing me just reminds you of how much grief I've put you through and how easy your life would be without me," I said morosely.

"No," he replied. "Because whenever I see you it just makes me want to forget everything that happened and take you in my arms again. And I'm not sure that that's the best idea."

Once more, I found myself trying to resist turning into goo at Harry's feet. He is so infuriating – he can always be relied upon to say something utterly wonderful which completely breaks your heart at the same time. "Harry... I'm really sorry."

"I know you are. I'm sorry too. Just... give me a bit of time, okay? There's a lot going on right now, and I need to think things through. Can you do that for me?"

Well, what option did I have? I couldn't very well turn to him and say, 'No actually, I think that sucks! I want you to decide that you still want to be with me right this minute, and then take my behind the broom shed and shag me senseless.' I was the guilty party and therefore I have to take my lumps. But I'm a Malfoy, dammit! I am not used to not getting what I want, especially when I've actually apologised for messing up and everything! But I really love Harry, so I said that of course I could give him the space he needs.

AAAAAARRGGHHH!!! I am so frustrated! And I feel like I have no right to be frustrated, because I'm the one who got me into this mess in the first place. But still! AAAARGH! Doom! DOOOOOOM!

Pansy's making me stop writing. She says that as I was making this entry my face was getting redder and redder, and I was starting to pull really weird expressions. Hmph. I can't help it if I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Nobody understands me.

Friday 21st May.

Dear Diary,

Blaise has just told me something really horrible. I don't want to believe it because Blaise is a knob-head and I wouldn't put it past him to say something just to upset me. But then again – as I know only too well from bitter experience – sometimes he does tell the truth.

He said that Harry has started seeing a sixth year Ravenclaw boy called Michael Prewitt. Michael Prewitt has big blue eyes and silky brown hair, and is a very pretty boy. He and Blaise had a brief fling last term. God, I really don't want to believe it. I mean, Harry would have told me if he'd met someone else, right? Unless he's doing it for revenge. But he wouldn't, would he? No, I can't believe it. But what if it's true? I mean, he's already proven that he likes really attractive men. Argh! Why is it that everyone is after my Harry? Are there no straight men at this school? Merlin, no wonder the wizarding population is dying out.

Bloody Pansy. I told her what Blaise had said and was basically pouring my heart out to her, and she just sarcastically asked me if I wanted her to go and fetch my smelling salts and a soft pillow for me to lie on.

"You know, you might have a little more consideration for the fact that I am very upset!" I huffed, glaring up at her from the sofa I'd thrown myself upon in my agony.

"Oh really," she said, shoving me over inelegantly so she could sit down. "You know it isn't true. I don't understand how you always manage to create these huge dramas out of nothing! Harry just declared his undying love to you a couple of days ago; he's hardly going to go off with someone else. He isn't the type. Besides, after all the grief you've given him, I can't see him wanting to get romantically involved again for a loooooong time."