I think I'm Dumb or Maybe Just Happy (Invader Zim x Reader)

6: Crack Baby, You Don't Know What You Want

That was a bit concerning. Primarily because he knew close to nothing about humans.

"How do humans express affection?"

"Oh." Was he talking about the Tak situation? Because that was anything but affection.

"Well, I don't know what kind of experience you have with human affection but it varies wildly from person to person."

You chose your words carefully. Being on Zim's good side was probably hard. He already hated your species but if you wanted to go back home; as mentioned previously, it would be best to have more than one option.

"Generally humans express affection through five 'love languages'; Words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, physical touch, and acts of service."

Zim was silent for a moment, attentively listening, albeit seeming a bit confused. "And eh- How do these 'love languages' manifest?"

"Right, examples... Uh- Giving compliments to someone they care about would fall into 'Words of Affirmation'."

"You mean praise? I don't remember any of that happening..."

You decided to take a risk here. "Was- Whoever you got this 'affection' from- Were they human?"

Zim looked up at this. "...No..."

"Maybe, then- And I'm just throwing an idea out there- That might not be the most reliable source."

"I suppose so..." He looked back at the ground with a hand on his chin. He seemed to be thinking, much like when you'd first offered to help him. "Very well. I demand you show me this human affection!"

As decisive as he seemed, Zim didn't attempt to hide his disgust. You could somewhat reciprocate that feeling.

"I- What?" That was even more alarming than that question had been. "Show you the affection?" Your eyebrows were slightly furrowed but your eyes were wide open.

"Yes! Did you not hear me?"

You knew if you'd opened your mouth you would've probably stuttered so much he'd think you were having a stroke. So you opted to stay silent instead, with a dumbfounded expression. This really is filled with clichés isn't it?

Zim either didn't understand why you'd be so opposed to it or he wasn't emotionally aware enough to notice. It was probably a bit of both.

"You're not an Irken, correct?" He seemed a little skeptical now but you were sure he knew the answer.

"I'm not. I- Are you sure about this?" You were hoping he'd change his mind. As cute and tiny as he was, you didn't feel even remotely inclined to hold him right now. Especially since you had the feeling that he meant romantic affection.

"Of course I'm sure! Zim is always sure!" Damn it. This was gonna be very awkward.

- .. -- . -....- ... -.- .. .--.

As were his wishes, you ended up showering him with compliments. They weren't anything too extreme. Just nice, simple compliments. For example;

"Uh- I like your confidence!"

"I admire how creative your plans are- According to what Dib told me."

"You're very expressive. I think it's nice that you're direct even with that."

"I think... That it's cool you're not afraid to stand up for yourself!"

"I wish I had your determination. I can never get any work done."

He seemed to appreciate every word. It wasn't uncommon, you noticed, for him to get flustered by it. He was still as ego-centric as always, of course. Yet you would catch him sneaking closer to you on the couch in anticipation. (He'd sat down beside you earlier and demanded you begin.)

His smile would widen after each sentence and he'd conceitedly agree with you. Sometimes he looked down and let out a small awkward laugh, rubbing his neck. You could've sworn you'd heard him whisper some compliments in return whenever he did that. It was almost as if Zim forgot he was doing this for research.

Zim probably wasn't used to having people say sweet things to him. At least, not anything that was so obviously sweet that he didn't even need to disguise it with his ego. You didn't hate it as much as you thought you would. The two were very different so you could easily phrase your flaws as his qualities. Not to mention, his reaction was adorable.

This might be a good thing! You thought to yourself. This way I can get his trust way more easily.

You took note of how satisfied he seemed regardless of what you said. Zim seemed to take all that he could get. He'd probably cling to all of it for years and mention it to his enemies. You found it funny that he didn't once question how you knew all this about him. It was kind of suspicious.

After a while, (It seemed like a long time to you but felt like seconds to Zim) he asked you about other forms of affection. You gave an example for each. Unfortunately, he seemed particularly interested in the one you least wanted to do with him.

"For Quality Time there's dates...uh-" When you paused to think of other examples Zim interrupted you.

You couldn't even pretend you hadn't heard him. He questioned it very loudly and, now that he was practically sitting on your lap, right into your ear. You glared at him and placed your hands on the side of your head. You took a breath and patiently explained it to him, dropping your hands back at your sides.

At this point, you weren't entirely sure what to feel. On one hand, it was nice seeing how he reacted to your actions. On the other, Zim wasn't exactly boyfriend material. You didn't mean to be rude but you were an idealist. You had fantasized about what your significant other would be.

You were planning on marrying a thoughtful nerd. Not an emotionally-unaware, energetic, alien with daddy issues and a God complex. You loved him as a character, of course. But he was so loud and abrasive.

It's funny when other people have to deal with it but come on! You didn't mean to be rude but you were aware that's what it sounded like. It wasn't that bad. You liked seeing him happy and these were just compliments. It probably wouldn't be much different on a date.

"These dates are meant to be enjoyable then? Like praise?" Zim gasped. He stood up and raised his finger in the air as if he'd made a major scientific breakthrough.

He loudly proposed that you go on a date with him. Standing on the couch he looked down at you with hope and enthusiasm. You could even see the curiosity in his eyes. You sighed briefly but gave him a small yet genuine smile.

"Sure."

.- -..-. -.

Title's Lyrics:
Crack Baby - Mitski

Cover Art:
by Krooked Glasses