Țuică | 18+ {Bucky Barnes}

Chapter Ten (Furnace)

Hey loves!
So, there is a PSTD warning, talks of past crimes, and a general warning for the Winter Soldier.

Jesse_Winter_Soldier, thanks for being the best beta!

All mistakes are my own!

-Sif

Rori pulled herself away from his warm, inviting lips; she blinked a few times, realizing what she had just done. She stumbled from his lap, backing towards the counter. She gripped the countertop so hard; her knuckles turned white.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." Bucky finally spoke, his head hung down. "I haven't.... it's been so long."

Her head snapped towards him, "No, don't you dare apologize. You are human, Bucky; you acted on human emotions." She sighed, taking a seat next to him, "If anyone should apologize, it should be me."

Bucky finally raised his head, giving her a confused look. "It's not like you forced yourself on me. We both know if I didn't want you to be on my lap kissing me, I wouldn't have let it happen." He shrugged.

Rori gave him a small smile, placing her hand on his bionic one. "You're a good man Bucky Barnes. Regardless, I am a professional and lost myself there for a moment. You were in a vulnerable place.

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Rori lay awake in bed; this had become her new regular the past several weeks. She couldn't shake the feeling of failure. Was she helping Bucky work through his trauma, or was she being selfish?

They had met regularly at the coffee shop for sessions. He seemed more receptive to the idea now, but she couldn't help but wonder if that was because he wanted to or because she wanted him to.

"I can see their faces sometimes.", he spoke, twisting his coffee cup on the table, "The people I've killed, I can hear them begging for mercy. I can see the pain in their faces before the light leaves their eyes." He refused to meet her gaze, "I know what you're thinking; I'm a monster."

Rori carefully sat down her coffee cup, "Why do you refer to yourself as a monster? You have done this several times now."

Bucky scuffed, licking his bottom lip slowly before finally looking at her, "What would you call a man who has killed men, women, and children?" He looked away again. "Just collateral damage as far as Hydra was concerned."

Rori took a moment to process, getting a read on how he was feeling.

Anger, guilt, sorrow.

"I see a man held captive and tortured for over seventy years. An innocent man who was made to do something he otherwise wouldn't force to commit such atrocities." She sat forward to make her point, "You are not a monster; you are a victim as those who died by Hydra's hand."

Grabbing her notebook, she flipped back through her pages. "In our session last week, you talked about the Memory Suppressing Machine." Her blue eyes flickered up to meet his steel eyes before she continued, "You said you took a backseat to your own body; tell me about that."

Bucky sighed, crossing his arms, "After I was triggered, I wasn't in charge anymore. It's like I took a backseat to my own body. All I could do was watch. Watch my hands kill."

Rori nodded, writing in her notebook, "You said you were pulled out a couple of times?"

"Yes.", he spoke softly, "I-Steve, he recognized me. I started to remember little bits from before but was wiped shortly after returning." He took a deep breath. "And again, after the failure of Project Insight, when I tried to get away. I remember fighting Steve, watching his body fall into the water..." he trailed off, lost in thought.