Neon Red [Order The eBook] [Zayn]

65

With the stress of Pez on top of everything else that was occurring, I did what I did best at this point. Simply dipped. I packed a few essentials, then Jay and I booked a one-way flight to LA where we would stay for the foreseeable future. On the way to the airport, I texted Pez that she and I both knew it was over and had been for a while. I insisted that we quit pretending things would get any better. Then I informed her I'd be in LA for a while, looking into a new record deal, so there was no need for her to wait for me. I also told her it'd be better if she wasn't there whenever I got back. Now I slapped my phone on airplane mode and listened to a few downloaded playlists while Jay watched a slasher film with subtitles because he'd left his headphones behind.

Oh my God, she'd be livid as fuck. Yes, I foresaw that and did nothing to ease her discomfort. Just like I knew Haz and the other boys would be hurt by my leaving, yet did nothing to soften the blow. I simply didn't give a fuck anymore. I only cared about me right now. Fuck all of that other noise. I'd put up with it long enough. I know I was being arrogant and entitled and somewhat insufferable, but all I could see in front of me now was precisely what would make me happy, and it no longer involved any of those people. My mind was like a landfill of forsaken places, memories, ideas, and acquaintances, in bad need of draining. It was cold-hearted as hell, but at the end of the day totally necessary. Sue me.

**********

The first thing I did when I touched down in LA was book it to the Beverly Hills Hotel. There, I listened to nothing but the Beatles for weeks, writing deliriously in the middle of the night to "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" and "Within You, Without You," and absorbing the essence of bygone artists who'd graced these halls, like Sinatra. I also scarfed down untold amounts of chicken wings from room service, and searched for a personal assistant and a rental house nearby. That's when I was introduced to Sarah Stennett from Turn First Artists with a bit of guidance from the label, and she introduced me to a cheeky American bird named Taryn who would help me out until I found a proper assistant. She had a smart mouth, but I liked her vibe. She didn't take my shit and I didn't take hers either.

I later linked up with Ant and Mike Hannides in Hollywood, and partying became our nightly ritual. We went on a bender for a week straight. On the hunt for nothing but pure hedonism. Concert after concert. Strip club after strip club. Fucking ourselves stupid. Gambling, losing our money, losing our minds. One day I woke up in my hotel room and rolled over, and there was a gorgeous black bird with long blue hair lying next to me. We smiled sleepily at each other. I could tell we'd been busy, based on how limp and drained I felt.

"What's your name?"

"Mallory."

"Hi Mallory."

"Hi Zayn."

"I like your hair."

"Thanks..."

We kissed.

The next morning we ate room service. She ordered a proper breakfast but I couldn't stop eating the goddamn chicken wings. We listened to tunes from the early 2000s that she named off, such as Avril Lavigne's "Complicated" and "My Happy Ending" and a bit of Pink as well. I had to admit, "Just Like A Pill" was a fucking tune. Before she left, she smiled at me from the doorway, and there was an unspoken understanding that we'd never see each other again. It was bittersweet, but it felt so LA that I just let it happen for the novelty of it. I missed her about five minutes after she'd gone, but told myself there would be plenty of other Mallorys down the line. Plenty more distractions to come.

I linked up with Ant and Mike that afternoon and they kicked my ass in the gym. They said it was time to clean up our act since we had an album to make and needed to be in a healthy place to compete with other artists of my caliber. For them, health was wealth and would lead to creativity. To achieve true health, we would need to hit it at all levels. Mental, physical, and even spiritual. Mostly working out, eating right, and taking the time to slow down and meditate. To be mindful of the content and images we consumed. We challenged one another to see how long we could be sober. I had about two days before I caved and smoked a blunt. Sex was off limits as well. They said girls were distraction and it was time for us to become deadly serious about our craft. We all tried to go a solid month without it, and my hand was chafed for how much I jerked off.